Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

Well here we are at the end of another year, wondering where all that time went and bracing ourselves for whatever 2009 will hold.

First of all, I just want to say how blessed I've been by so many of you in the past year. You've encouraged me, cheered me up, given me much needed hugs, challenged me, and basically been a massive blessing in my life.

Secondly, I want to remind you all that there are many, many others around us, as we go about our day, who will not view Christmas as the time of joy and abundance that we most probably will be. It could be because it brings back memories of a loved one who has passed away; it could be because they are homeless; it could be because they have suffered severe heartbreak this year. If we can all reach out to those around us and bless them even a little this Christmas season - it might just make their burdens a little bit easier.

And thirdly, I thought I'd write a brief note to encapsulate the highs and lows of 2008 for myself, and my resolutions and plans for the new year.


Highs of 2008

• The 3 weeks I spent in Rwanda in January. Nothing has ever affected me as much as this did!

• The luxury mini-break on the Gold Coast Brad surprised me with when I returned home

• Being able to work in a job I love, with people who are like a family to me, in an area that I am deeply interested in

• My fantastic birthday up at Springbrook, walking around all the waterfalls; followed by dinner at my favourite restaurant at night

• Brad's soccer team being allocated second division, and making the semi-finals

• Going to Fiji for my first overseas holiday with my husband!

• Going on a few short trips to Sydney to see Brad's brother and his wife and kids
  

When it comes to disappointments, it really was just the fact that falling pregnant hasn't been as straightforward as we prayed for. Our adventure only started this year, but long-standing medical and genetic issues meant we started the journey of fertility specialists a lot earlier than most. We're sad that we aren't celebrating a pregnancy this Christmas, but there's a new gameplan for next year and hopefully that will get us our miracle.

And now we look ahead to next year - and what an exciting year it's looking like!!!

• A beachside holiday with Brad's brother and his wife and children at the start of the year
  

• I start tutoring a Refugee family early in the new year

• A possible trip to Tasmania to join Tutsi survivors in commemorating the 15th anniversary of the Rwandan Genocide

• The chance to be a relief Clinical Nurse (Level 2) at work whilst one of them takes holidays

• I could be heading to an International Conference in South Africa late in 2009

So as we gear up for a new year and all it has in store for us; we think of all of you and hope and pray you are having a marvellous Christmas with friends and family and that 2009 is full of God's richest blessings for you all.

We are back!

Fiji was AMAZING. I honestly can not believe how beautiful this country is - and so close to home!

It was SO nice to go overseas with my husband for once; it was so nice to be on holidays; it was SO nice to go overseas, and only have it take ONE plane and THREE hours!

The Hideaway Resort is incredible. We basically did not have to leave the resort to do any of the activities we wanted to. Going to Church, visiting a village, horseriding, rainforest walks, snorkelling, kava ceremonies, firewalking, traditional meke (dance) and love (dinner) - all of it either happened at the resort, or was less than a 1km walk away from the resort.

Our bure was huge, and amazing. A massive bedroom, a great view, and not just ONE bathroom - but a completely private outdoor shower and bath as well!

But enough babbling - here's some pictures...

Our Bure

Our View

The view from our second bathroom - outdoors!

The Pool

The Golden Door Spa - I had a massage here!

Us at the Chief's House - just drunk Kava

Horseriding

Sasch with the 'Warriors'

Our amazing sunset every evening

So yes, it was pure perfection.  We could go back at the drop of a hat, it was that good.

Goodbye Australia, Bula Fiji!

Well we're heading off to Fiji for a much needed break tomorrow, so you won't be hearing from me for a little bit.

This is our first trip overseas together, and the first holiday we've done (apart from our honeymoon) that doesn't involve a specific trip to see family. After almost 7 years together, it's about time we did this!

This month also marks our last month to fall pregnant before booking in to see the Fertility Specialist and begin further investigations. So this trip is important for more than just one reason. Any prayers you could send to us in regards to this would be awesome.

To my friends and family who read this blog - I'm sure you understand that I won't be giving updates to that situation from now on. When I feel ready to tell about a pregnancy, I will tell. I just don't want to have to lie or fib or anything about it - so please don't ask. Just let me know you are praying for us - that's all we really need. Massive hugs to you all!

As a final thought, I would ask you to keep the Democratic Republic of Congo in your prayers. DRC was the place where many perpetrators of the Rwandan Genocide fled after 1994, and there is major fallout occurring there right now, despite the presence of the UN as peacekeepers.

The UN has 17 000 Peacekeepers present in DRC (in Rwanda there were less than 500 during the time of the Genocide), however they still are only able to 'observe' rather than 'preserve' the peace deal that has been brokered. That 'observation' caused absolute decimation in Rwanda; and the same thing is brewing in DRC.

Please pray they step in before more people are displaced, tortured, raped or murdered.


God bless you all - and I will see you when we return!

Happy Pill Overdose - rants from the Christian subculture (Part Four)

So where did all this musing leave me?

Basically, I think we overcomplicate a lot of things as Christians. We often try to make a little box called 'Christian', with a list of things that Christian should look like. And we can often be very strict as to what is/isn't allowed in the box. And can be very mean to certain people if they try to get in the box, but don't look like anything else in there.


Over complicating can leave to alienation. Over complicating can make a lot of people go 'well, if that's how you're going to treat me - I don't even want to try and get in the box any more'. I know for myself I've felt like that some days; as have many of my friends who have left Christianity, or have 'dabbled' in it for a little bit.

I don't expect everyone to agree with these last few posts. Heck, some of it I'm still frowning over, and wondering where I 'fit' in all of this.

I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And I know when I start a discussion (?diatribe LOL) like this, it can have people question where your Christian faith stands.

There is a lot of that 'what will people think' approach to Christian thought. There can be a very strong 'follow the crowd' when we talk like this.

Because it's scary. It shakes things up. It promotes self-thought and self-analysis, something which can be a bit scary when it might mean stepping away from the crowd for a bit. And history tells us that Christian communities haven't always dealt with that in the best way possible.

But, I needed this. Moreso for me than for anyone else. And I think that at the end of the day, the question I'm left with is:

What Would Jesus Do?

It's become one of those 'naff' questions we throw around our wrists; something we say when we disagree with the behaviour of someone who calls themselves a Christian; another one of those Christian pop-culture references.

I don't think it should be like that. I think there's some tough stuff behind that question - yet sadly it more often than not gets used for all the wrong reasons. Especially when you look at Jesus himself, what He did, who He hung out with and where He went.

And I think Jesus would like us to ask these questions. DON'T make it the 'crux' of life as it exists - but don't be afraid to challenge group thought and challenge the behaviour of Christian industry, when you believe it's missing the mark or alienating people.

I think I'll always be a bit more 'fringe' than I was growing up. I know that I'll shock people sometimes. I know I may even drive people to distraction with how I behave.

But honestly - I think that's okay. Based on history, I think I'm in good company.

Happy Pill Overdose - rants from the Christian subculture (Part Three)

Mythbusting Christian Music on a Matchstick Scale

So now let's move onto the Christian Music Industry. Primarily Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) - which is a monster in America, and continues to grow.

Note - not talking about Praise/Worship songs; or the monolith that is that industry. Just the normal, 'sing along in the car' style music pumped out by the Christian Music Industry in Nashville and the like.

Myth One: Every song should praise God.

This is one I particularly love.

There seems to be some kind of rule which says that if you've formed a band, and that band is full of Christians - your songs should from then on always be talking about God, how much we love God, how wonderful He is, etc etc.

Not saying that's a bad thing - just the fact that the minute a singer or band writes a song that DOESN'T have this as it's foundations - they get accused of 'backsliding' or have questions like 'how can they call themselves Christian - they don't even sing about God' fired at them.

I think this gets covered by that great object called a 'Christian band'. I've never really understood this phrase.

Is a band not a 'thing'? Not a person, not a human being - just a 'thing'. The humans in it, yeah sure, they can be Christian - but can a 'thing' be a Christian thing?

It makes as much sense to me as 'Christian pebble' or 'Christian milk'.

I agree that the humans in said band (who could be Christian) could agree that the lyrics they write will be primarily about praising God and glorifying His name. But I feel sad when I see amazing bands with Christian artists in them (think Flyleaf, for example) get pushed out of the Christian music industry, because they write a song that doesn't mention God by name.

I remember this with Amy Grant (yep, I'm old - 80s child through and through). Suddenly the woman writes 'Baby Baby' rather than the El Shaddai style songs she'd been known for - and she gets yanked from most Christian radios, music promotions and music shops.

(Yes, more came out of that down the track, but my first memories of the scandal was the fact she wrote a love song to a man, rather than to God).

I didn't understand it then; I still don't understand it now.


Myth Two: You can't sing about grief, depression or failure.

I think I touched on this a bit in the Film rant I posted earlier in the week.

Christians (your 'suburban' type, as well as those in big industries such as film, tv or music) often seem to have a problem with people admitting that life can be awful for a Christian.

We might admit it privately to friends or family, but it can really cause controversy if you announce it on a large scale. Whether that be from the pulpit, from a movie, or in your music.

We will always support someone who is struggling - but often there is not much more declared in movies or music with the 'Christian' tag apart from 'when you find Jesus, all your problems are solved'.

I'm fairly certain my blog readers are nearly all Christians (or have grown up in a Christian home), so I'm fairly sure you all know this isn't the case.

Some of you, like me, still struggle (or have struggled) with fertility issues, despite your faith. Christianity may have helped you cope - but it didn't necessarily solve the problem (congratulations to you if it did - it hasn't for me).

Some of you still struggle with depression, despite having a strong relationship with God. Again - your Christian walk may have helped you cope (via support from others, talking to God, etc); but it didn't make it go away.

Some of you have gone through divorce, though still being a strong Christian. Or been victims of violence or abuse or infidelity or any other number of things that destroy a marriage. We hope sometimes that being a Christian would save us from that - but it doesn't.

So why can't we sing about this? Or why, when we do sing about it, do we have to always have the tag line of 'but Jesus solves this for me'. Yes, Jesus does put His arms around you; yes, being a Christian often gives you a ready made support network to help lift you up during trials; yes, being able to talk to God like most Christians do can help lift the burden a lot more. But it doesn't necessarily make the problem go away.

I just hope and pray we can be a bit more honest in our music (like our films) about this. That some days it is just 'one foot in front of the other'. That some days, life still sucks. That I do want to yell at God some times. That the platitude of 'God cares' sometimes makes me feel worse. Just some honesty (and encouragement of bands and artists who speak this honesty) would be nice.

As much as I know I'm biased; I think the reason U2 speaks to me so much is the fact that they honestly talk about grief and depression and feeling 'lost', with a Christian theme a lot of the time, without it going back to 'paint by numbers' solutions that a lot of overtly Christian music does.


Myth Three: You always have to be a 'happy' band. God wouldn't like goth or 'dark' music.


What band or artist are considered 'popular' in Christian music? What do you usually hear when you tune into Christian radio (if you do that)? Is there a nice little undercurrent 'theme' that runs through all these bands and artists?

Usually happy, usually light, bright and airy, usually what I like to call 'bubblegum pop'. Something akin to Adult Contemporary Rock on any other radio station, right?

Goth, heavy metal, thrash? That usually gets hidden away and when you mention a name like Demon Hunter or Flyleaf or Underoath and most Christians will give you a look like 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa??'.

It's sad that we aren't more aware of these bands, and don't suggest them to others. It's sad that when we hear of a metalcore/goth band made up of Christians, we question if they can really be Christian as 'Jesus wouldn't like that style of music'.

Wouldn't He? Why wouldn't He? Last I saw, Jesus seemed quite an alternative kind of guy, who tended to avoid the 'traditionals' for those who were a bit on the 'fringe'. And if those on the fringe did turn to Him, and spend time with Him, He didn't try to make them 'fit' the biscuit mould of 'Christ follower'. He told them to sin no more; but he didn't also say 'now you have to listen to this and this and this, and dress like this, and watch this' at the same time.


As you can probably tell, I'm a bit alternative. And I see a lot of fellow 'Alternative' Christians get judged unnecessarily, simply because they don't have all the popular Christian songs on their Ipods; or wear goth clothes; or like Metallica and Radiohead more than they like Michael W Smith or Twila Paris.

And I just find that a bit sad.

(ps. In case I haven't plugged them enough - if you like a bit more 'alternative' style music, and are keen to find if there is a Christian niche for this - try looking up the websites www.firestream.net or www.angelicwarlord.com).

Happy Pill Overdose - rants from the Christian subculture (Part Two)

Mythbusting Christian Film on a Matchstick Scale

There are a few 'myths' I've come across whilst looking at Christian film and music, believed by people when they 'excuse' Christian film not being as tightly packaged or delivered as the Hollywood Blockbusters.

(For the record, I think some Hollywood movies are pretty crap too, and that we shouldn't have to 'excuse' poorly delivered Christian films, but that's neither here nor there right now).

Myth One: Christian movies don't have a hollywood budget, so they can't be as good as a secular movie

I hear this SO much when debating this issue! We need a budget of 1 million PLUS to make a popular, interesting film. The Christian film industry doesn't have that, so it's automatically going to be less 'polished' than a movie made by the big corporations (WB, 20th Century Fox, et al). So we just need to accept that, and like it anyway.

That is untrue.

There are 3 movies I can think of, off the top of my head, with very small budgets that were fantastic quality, excellently delivered and also made a good showing at our local cinema.

Juno was a perfect example of a movie with a small budget, that still was received with praise by critics, and loved by the every day film watcher at the same time.

It had a strong message, characters that evoked feeling from the viewer, and was brilliantly made - even if it wasn't so 'polished'.

There is no reason that Christian film makers can not do the same thing. Sure their budget may be small, but with the right people in place, something 'small' can be wonderful.

Myth Two: If we don't have the Gospel message displayed obviously through our film, noone is going to grasp it.

Too often in Christian films, the emotions of a conversion scene, or a strong relationship of God is often destroyed for a viewer due to a 'cookie cutter' approach.

Instead of leaving the symbolism to speak for itself, for some reason there's this massive fear that someone will miss it, if we don't have the big booming voice explaining in detail what's going on.

(I should add that Hollywood especially is not void of being too 'obvious' with their message - but the best movies are those that allow symbolism and subtlety speak for themselves).

People, generally, are intelligent enough to know the subtext of a film, more often than not. You do not need the 'paint by numbers' approach to Christianity tacked on like some little 'extra', to show someone's heartfelt relationship with Jesus Christ.

The other problem we run into when we do this, is being so afraid of offending any particular 'subsection' of Christianity, that the film just loses it's sensitivity and genuineness entirely. Yes, there are different groups that will demand to see certain things, when agreeing to finance/support a Christian film - but at the expense of reaching the very people we're supposed to be catering to?

We do this SO much in Christianity, and sadly it ends up with our 'pop culture entities' (whether that be film, tv, music or even our more famous Churches), becoming a laughing stock to the wider community.

If you would like to see some amazing films that don't lose their subtlety, and still have a strong message of Christianity and redemption, please consider films such as Chariots of Fire, and Amazing Grace. N.B. Please don't let something like the word 'arse' being used, taint your whole opinion of said films.


Myth Three: Coming to Christ solves everything

Sadly amongst our community, we often (not always deliberately) come across as though we're saying 'come to Christ, and all your problems will be solved'.

This is never more evident than with a lot of Christian films lately.

Have a marriage problem? Convert, and this will be solved.

Suffering depression? Convert, and it will go away.

Infertile? Convert, and God will bless you with a baby.

Not that I'm condoning a 'works' doctrine - but these things don't necessarily get solved or 'go away' when you ask Jesus into your heart.

It still takes work. Counselling, medication, psychology is still often JUST as important after you have Jesus in your life, as it was before you did.

So why do we show this as being 'truth' with most, if not all, of our Christian films?

If it's leaving me with a feeling of anger that we're deceiving non-Christians like this - imagine how the non-Christians feel!

There is a definite feeling amongst pop culture Christianity that 'we can't talk about bad things'. To pretend like they don't exist once you become a Christian. To not share that despite your relationship with God, you still struggle with depression/infertility/mental health issues/etc.

Yes, Jesus can certainly (and does in a lot of instances) make it easier to deal with issues in your life, and can often provide an avenue to help treat the issue, that may have not occurred, prior to asking Him into your heart.

But trust me - most of these issues are not solved solely by praying harder, reading my Bible more, or having my backside in Church every Sunday.

Those things can often open up doors to healing - but they are not the 'bandaid' we often make them out to be.

And we shouldn't be perpetuating that in our films.

In my next article, I'll be discussing myths that abound in Christian music, and how we present our music to the world, more often than not, alienates and has people laughing for the 'cheese' we manufacture.

Again, please do not think I am against supporting our Christian film industry. I am definitely keen on viewing the majority of Christian films I hear about, and am still open to their message. And I do appreciate the hard work that so many of them put in to 'preach the gospel' through this medium.

But I just get frustrated with the mentality that NOT liking a Christian film, or highlighting 'flaws' instantly means I am doing the wrong thing as a Christian.

I just think we can do a heck of a lot better than we usually do.


(ps. I thought it good to note that tomorrow I'm going to Church - and I'm going goth).

Happy Pill Overdose - rants from the Christian subculture (Part One)

Now, I was very upset at not getting any comments over my Mac/PC parody ads, so I expect you all to 'up your game' and let fly at me over this one! (I get in so much trouble when I start writing these posts; self-edits come flying by thick and fast, I tell you!).

All this started about 3 days ago, when I launched into a debate over Christian Art with a bunch of fellow Christians. There was a movie coming out that people seemed to be falling over themselves to go see, and I honestly felt I was going to burnt at the stake when I mentioned that I really wasn't interested - and admitted that I had cringed when I saw the trailer (due to the way it was presented)!

So, after dressing myself in flame-retardant overalls, it got me to thinking about Christian subculture, particularly in the realm of movies and music, and how I just don't 'get it', most of the time.

Honestly, I think a lot of Christianity seems to have taken a massive overdose of happy pills. The industries of film and music often seem very 'milk toast' to me, and I have to admit I don't like a lot of what my fellow friends and family seem to enjoy.

I HATE Contemporary Christian Music, 99% of the time. There are bands and artists I love (Rebecca St James, Delirious and Brooke Fraser mostly); but the majority are the kind that I'd rather stick a needle in my eye, than listen to.

The problem that arises from this, however, is that there can often be a lot of pressure amongst Christian groups (Church, Bible Study, Youth Group, etc) to go see something/support something, simply because it's "Christian". Many times I've been privy to conversations about 'let's go see this movie so that the theatre is packed, and the cinema has to screen it for longer'.

The last movie I did this for, it turned out to be an excellent thing. It was Amazing Grace, and I loved it. I've gotten that movie out so many times on DVD, I think the store manager was at the point he'd just roll his eyes and pass it to me on my way in. I've since convinced my husband that it was a necessary addition to our DVD library!

However, I always feel a bit 'off', when encouraged to 'flood' a cinema, or continually order a movie at the video store, simply because it's Christian. In some ways, I think that it prevents the Christian Film/Music industry from improving, if we keep supporting what is often, sadly, mediocrity. Sometimes I think the need to 'get the message across' often destroys what can be absolutely beautiful and amazing films. Subtlety and symbology often are destroyed due to needing an overt description, or 'paint by numbers' approach to the gospel message.

As a result, there can be a lot of 'cheese' - and friends don't let friends eat really bad cheese.

This can get me into a lot of trouble with people. As evidenced by the conversation I had a few days ago.

Anyway, I realised that I'm more likely to run from Christian subculture things, than run to them with my arms wide open - so I thought I'd go see if there were 'fringe dwellers' amongst the music industry that I actually enjoy.

My deepest darkest secret when it comes to music is that I love heavy, metal, guitar-driven, goth/thrash artists. I am a MASSIVE fan of Rage Against the Machine. I have (secretly) enjoyed Nine Inch Nails for a few years now. And I have never EVER admitted this to anyone, save my husband, who also has a small interest in said bands.

(I should add that there are 2 other artists I'm thinking of now, who I also like, but mentioning their names is far too fraught with danger!).

Evanescence wrote a song called 'Tourniquet', which really spoke to me on a spiritual level when it first came out. However, I found that Evanescence were globally rejected by the Church, due to being too pagan or dark or 'just plain miserable'. Which is sad, because the majority of the band align themselves with Christianity, and were unable to join the Christian market because of the assumptions had because of their goth/dark 'themes'.

I wear goth clothes. I LOVE my corsets and velvet skirts and knee high lace up combat boots. I am in love with Amy Lee's wardrobe. Most of my Christian friends who read this post will probably be shocked by that admission - because I never wear these kinds of clothes at Church. I'm the 'jeans and t-shirt' girl. I would love to wear more of my medieval/gothic stuff; but it's not the place for it. Sadly, assumptions get made when I have worn these kinds of clothes, so I don't wear them half as much as I would like to.

And now I've found Demon Hunter.


Demon Hunter are a Christian metalcore band from Seattle, who, if I didn't listen closely, I'd assume were either Rage Against the Machine or Slipknot some of the time. And not a 'poor imitation' of metal/goth, which some Christian bands sadly fall prey to. The picture I posted above (a demon skull with a bullet through it's head) is their trademark.

"Not Ready to Die" in particular has become one of my favourite songs lately, and I currently have the album on pre-order with my husband for Christmas.

The band speaks out quite forcefully against the 'blandness' that Christian subculture often falls into the trap of, often unnecessarily.

They also are very honest about the fact that being a Christian doesn't suddenly turn everything 'happy chappy clappy'. This is not something that often gets displayed through Contemporary Christian Music (CCM).

I guess I just get so frustrated by the approach that I should be supporting something, simply because it's 'Christian', that I had to write this post.

Yes, absolutely, I think it's important to encourage those who are trying to bring Christianity to 'the masses'.

But do we have to then 'water it down' so much that it in turn alienates people, or turns them off?

I don't think so. And I think that the majority of things labelled as 'Christian' often get so heavily censored for a Christian audience, that they end up missing the very people they are wanting to reach out to.

Continued in part two...

Mac v PC - in Christianityland

Do you ever feel like someone on YouTube has just channeled your life and feelings?



Note before this one - I love you mum!...

And one that reminds me of a conversation I had not so long ago



These clips were created by a Church who were trying to grapple with the idea of modern Christian thought versus the traditionalist. Having been friends with people who have dropped the word 'Christian' due to the baggage it brings; having struggled with a lot of Christian subculture issues myself; and having had these very conversations!; I think they are a good launch pad for talking about Christianity, and what to do with it.

I'm currently reading a lot about the challenges of 21st Century Christianity, and how to bring it back to something more 'organic', so watch out for more clips and musings on Contemporary Christianity and the Organic Church.

(if you'd like to read an interview with the creative director who oversaw the project, head to http://faithvisuals.com/help/articles/creatingaviralvideo.html)

Reunion Rocks Out!

So this is me, ooo, maybe 30 minutes before our evening started.

The picture may give the appearance of calm, and I will leave that impression with you. Inside was quite a lot different!

But, the night was perfect. 50 people all up (alumni and partners), great food, great drinks, wonderful view and everything went flawlessly.

It was so much fun, so great seeing everyone again and hearing what they're all up to. We had ministers, youth leaders, teachers, IT professionals, someone in the Navy (Village People, anyone?), music teachers, nurses, solicitors - just to name a few. And there were some extra 'ring-ins' courtesy of some beautiful baby bellies!

(one of the 'ring-ins' is in the lady in the brown's tummy - yummy mummy Katie!)

I have had lots of praise for the evening - but I really put it down to everyone else. There were nerves and hesitation at first, but they soon dissolved as we talked to each other and caught up on the last 10 years.

Alicia, Sasha (and bubba!) and Sasha's husband Mark

Lorraine with her lovely man, Phil.

Jane just looking gorgeous

Kyosti, Jenny, Jenny's husband John, Levi and Cherie enjoying their time together

But can I just say how GLAD I am that it's done and dusted and I don't have to do it EVER AGAIN?!!! :D

The class of 98ers who partied past 10:30pm

Thank you everyone - you made it a wonderful night, and it was a pleasure to host it for you.

Quick catchup

So again I've been caught out with something much worse than my pants down - nothing new on my blog. Being that my cognition seems to be permanently kept under a dementor-style fog recently, this will be a very simple update as to what I've done lately.

1) I've managed to develop a head cold (I think this has something to do with the aforementioned fog). Not blaming my husband at all, but Brad had bronchitis last week, and so with both of us coughing and spluttering, we aren't the happiest of campers.

2) I did my first 10 hour shift last week. I thought that was bad enough - but then I ended up at work for 13 hours, courtesy of a particularly messy gynae-oncology case. As fascinating as it was, and as much as I enjoyed it - watching the clock slowly meander along, knowing you were no closer to going home, is not much fun. It was a relief when he left the liver and lungs alone, took one more look at the bowel and said 'no, I think we've done more than enough'. I personally thought we'd done MORE than enough at 6pm - but I'm not about to argue with the best of the best gynaecologists in Queensland (and the lady did need the further procedures at the end of the day)!

3) My email has been hacked - so PLEASE do not send me email until I tell you otherwise. Everything is currently in Chinese, and I can't access it at all, but I'm in the process of working it out. It just seems to be taking longer than Magellan's travel around the globe.

4) I have the school reunion tonight. I'm coordinating, MCing and hosting the event all by myself. I am SO excited about it - however, I will be very glad once it's all over and I don't have a million thoughts running through my head. The School has been excellent though, and definitely made things very easy. The weather is nice, so it means it can be the beautiful gourmet bbq outdoor event I was hoping it to be.

5) Yes, we are trying for a baby. And it's TERRIFYING, EXCITING and BORING all at the same time! LOL. Like countless other friends, I've come to understand the way time stops during two week waits; the joys of CM/CP/BBT/OPKs; and the frustration of not knowing either way (but being careful with food/drinks/what surgery I assist in/all the same!). Any prayers you feel led to send our way for our pregnancy/baby endeavours would be awesome.

So yeah, that's pretty much my life right now. I should be back tomorrow with photos of tonight's reunion.

Could someone find my brain and return it?

I don't know what's going on - but I seem to have misplaced my brain. Either that or the cognitive spaces have been filled with something akin to white-out!

Case in point:

* Last week at soccer, mum asked me the name of about 3 different things - and do you think I could remember them? NO!

* Brad's been sick with bronchitis, so I told him I'd go out and buy some soup (along with anything else he wanted). I went shopping and brought everything else home BUT the soup!!!

* I ran out of butter later in the week, so again told Brad I was going shopping to pick it up - did he want anything? Again - got EVERYTHING but the darn butter!

* Sat here assuming Adam Hills was asked to host the Paralympics because of all the hard work he does for those with disabilities. Now this guy is my FAVOURITE comedian, and I know a fair bit about him. Somehow I'd forgotten that he himself is without a foot - and only realised it after telling Brad 'he must be hosting because of how much work he does for the disability societies'...

YEEEESH!!! I am getting more and more frustrated with myself - that above was only a small smattering of my forgetfulness and mistakes (ie. having to go to the bench THREE times to pick up the teatowel because I'd forget everytime I got there!). SO OVER IT!

(If you find it, please return it - probably best you send it to work; I need it more there!).

There's a reason I love cows

Well apparently cows point north.

No, I'm serious. Apparently scientists have studied Google Earth (yep, I swear, I'm not making this up), and have discovered that when cows are resting or grazing, they face in a northerly direction.

The theory is that they have a built-in compass, which would have come in handy back when cows migrated (who knew?!) across Africa, Europe and Asia to locate better grazing areas during winter.

Aren't cows like the smartest mammals EVER??

Meme Mirth

Again I'm pilfering from Nomesque (sorry hon, but you have the best stuff worth plagiarising!).

The aim of the game is simple - she wrote answers and I provided the questions to mess it up as best I could. YOUR job, dear readers, is to write your own questions for the same answers.

So here goes...


Q. Do you like babies?

A. Sort of, but really only on weekends.

Q. How many cows make up a herd

A. 14.

Q. What do you think of Alan Rickman?

A. *droooooooool*

Q. Can you calculate the the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

A. I’m sure I can. But why would I?

Q. Do you like to put your hands up for Detroit?

A. I love it.

Q.Give me your opinion on Lepidopterae

A. I don’t like to talk about that sort of thing.

Q. What do you put on your skin?

A. Candles. And chocolate. And of course, strawberries.

Q. What reality tv show would you audition for?

A. Big Brother.

Q. What was the first thing your father looked for when he first saw you?

A. Webbed toes.

Q. If you wanted to be rendered unconscious indefinitely, how would you do it?

A. Kylie Minogue, a bottle of champagne, and a hammer.

Q.What would you happily eat every day, for the rest of your life?

A. Pasta.



And there you go! Now it's your turn. Use the same answers, just use different questions... :)

Tuesdays child is full of grace

Went and saw The Dark Knight with B tonight (cheap Tuesday is better than it's cracked up to be!). IT WAS AWESOME. Although I found it very hard to hate someone who's now dead.

And I was more than angry at the parents who for some reason found it entirely appropriate to bring their 4 year old and 7 year old along with them to watch it! Poor kids were crying at a few places.

Ok, so I promised someone I wouldn't put any U2 on this week. Well... let's just say I did it before I remembered, mkay? :D

I LOOOOOOOVE this clip (and the song) - try and work out who the bands and artists are that are used to create the video.

Monday Mirth

Another gorgeous day in Wintery Brisbane town. Apparently getting to 0 tonight - I'll believe that when I see it. Although, it did snow in Stanthorpe. Hmmm... always a good sign for a frosty night.

Today I had a free makeover, which was pretty exciting. Looked pretty good too. Brad was sick, so he curled up on the couch watching DVDs whilst I read through the first part of the final Harry Potter (I'm a little bit obsessed).

So, on to the song. Just another song that I quite like, and find quite cute. The music has that kind of chilled out sound that seemed to fit with today. I wouldn't read too much into the lyrics this time though.

Don't Fight It

I chose this song for this piece long before I had decided on what I wanted to say. After viewing the clip again, I remembered why I love this song and why it resonates with me so much.

Deep down, I'm a very emotional person. And I hate it. Absolutely despise being ruled by my emotions. Fight it every step of the way. I feel that being rational and thinking through things (rather than letting the heart run away from someone) is a much better way to live my life.

It's a constant battle for me. I had years of letting my emotions dictate my next move. And I came back from that badly burnt and with some long lasting scars.

So, not so many years ago, I chose to follow my head. If my heart felt a pull towards something - I would not do a thing about it until I had the rationale and evidence behind myself to know it would be a good decision.

I did that with my choice of husband; I did that with my choice of occupation; I do that with everything now.

But lately, my heart has overrun what I believed was the better lifestyle choice. I felt a pull towards something that I never expected to want or crave in my life or future. I hated myself for this. I was angry about it. I waited for the craving to go away, assuming it to be nothing more than a 'phase'.

It never went away. It never waned. It sat in my spirit like an enemy, brooding and invading my every thought.

It's been a scary few months. With a lot of prayer, a lot of discussion with Brad, and a lot of 'shifting of the furniture' to accommodate it.

It required a new outlook on life. A new purpose. A plan and a timeframe that is getting every so closer, and making this desire a tangible reality for the two of us.

I chose not to fight it. And let the desire, the craving, the insatiable need for it, wash over me.

So again, this song. This beautiful, heartbreaking song. One of my favourites of the past year. It challenges me to allow myself this one scary, exhilirating, amazing desire to become a reality.

Lazy Weekender

Just a beautiful day yesterday. Ended up having lunch at the Shornecliffe Pier and enjoying the broad daylight and gorgeous seaside. Just chilled for the rest of it.

Brad's a bit sick today, so we stayed home from Church and had a bit of a lie in.

Due to yesterday's laziness, today's entry has two songs.

I'm quite deeply in love with my husband at the moment. Gone all head over heels again. Mood doesn't grab me that often (I'm not a sappy person in all honesty), but I'm totally, madly, hopelessly in love with my husband right now.

Feels rather decadent and indulgent - I like it.

The first song has been a favourite of mine for quite a few years. Very sexy, very strong, very passionate. Chose the live version because Beth just sounds amazing in it, and very purr worthy.

Takes me back to when I chose to get back with Brad, and the night I summoned all my courage to ask if he felt the same way.



(Sidebar: Don't smoke. It looks hot as heck on this track - but it will kill you. Seriously.)

TGIF!

I've just had the best night. 3 of us went out to see Mamma Mia - and it was FAB(BA)ULOUS! Sure, check your cynicism and rational self at the door, but such a great mode of escapism for 2 or so hours.

So, in honour of the weekend, I'm now off work for 5 days, AND the fact I'm in a rather bouncy mood after this evening's frivoloties; here's today's song.

It's a bit silly and pointless, but it makes me want to shout Woo Hoo - a mini break!

Solomonistic musings

I chose todays song, basically because of how much it reminds me of scripture. Ecclesiastes and Corinthians in particular.

Makes me think of Solomon when he's writing about how all his power and prestige and wisdom were meaningless in life. Makes me think of Corinthians when the writer laments that he can do anything and be anything, but without love, it's worthless.

Today I was reminded that if my actions aren't motivated by love - they mean nothing.

Bad day

Today was not the best of days, work-wise. As much as I love my job, and see a lot of happiness courtesy of it - we also see the blackest of days for people.

Stillbirths. Miscarriages. Terminations for medical reasons. Diagnoses of cancer. Recurrence of Cancer. Inoperable tumours. It can be a pretty horrible place sometimes.

Today involved more than one of the above, leaving more than a few of us particularly tender and aware of how quickly a life can be taken and a world can be shattered.

This clip is for two patients of mine who have suffered more than I would want anyone to suffer. There's really nothing you can say, is there?

Something new and different for us!

I will take no credit for the following.

Some of you might know a friend of mine who also blogs - Nomesque. She's much funnier on her blog, and much more talented with her musings. I highly recommend you go check her out if you haven't before.

Anyway, on Mondays she posts a music video to get everyone happy and upbeat for the week.

So as I'm listening away to some of my favourites, I took some inspiration from Nome and decided I'd spend a week posting Youtube clips of songs that are a) my favourites and b) match up with the day I had.

If this takes off - we all better watch out.

So here's Tuesday in review.



(now if only I had legs like hers).

The Girl Effect

How to tell an infertile woman about your pregnancy

I recently read an article about how to tell someone struggling to fall pregnant that you're pregnant. It was exceptionally funny, yet heartbreakingly honest at the same time.

Due to issues of copyright, worries about language and not being ENTIRELY relevant to me, I'm not going to post that article. However it did make me think about my own feelings, and how I'd want someone to treat me, after announcing their pregnancy. And it also made me think of how some of my friends struggling with LONG TERM trying to conceive and/or utilising Artificial Reproductive Techonologies feel about certain comments, suggestions and reactions.

* Please don't downplay your pregnancy. I AM happy for you. In some cases, absolutely thrilled. Please be genuine and be happy and not think you have to be solemn about it, in front of me.

* Please be sensitive. You may see a flicker of pain go across my face - don't feel guilty. Just know that I am wishing for the billionth time that it was me, and that it does hurt sometimes, knowing that someone else has got what I want more than anything.

* Please give me some space for a bit. Yes, I probably will go home and cry for a bit. Yes, it might take a little bit for me to be happy for you. Trust me - I feel as bad about my reaction as you probably feel about the fact I'm not pregnant yet.

* Sometimes, telling me 'how' things happened, really hurts. I don't need to hear that you weren't trying, or that it happened when you were on birth control, or that it was your second/third cycle. I know second or third cycle may have felt like ages for you - but I'd give anything to have fallen that quickly.

* Please don't send on platitudes like 'it'll be your turn next' or 'you've got plenty of time'. Whilst it makes sense to try and reassure someone that they haven't run out of time - it's not always the case. Some of us struggle with real issues like needing IVF, or going through early menopause - and those wellwishes often end up being anything but. Just quietly - some days I might want to smack you into next week with a comment like that. I won't do it - but I will think it at least once.

* Please be gentle with your advice. Some of us HAVE tried to relax, try every second day, measure our temps and cervical mucous and cervical position and have thousands of Ovulation Prediction Tests at our disposal. We know about having men wear boxers, and lying down for 30 minutes afterwards, and trying not to think about it. We know all about the diet recommendations, and have avoided alcohol/caffeine/sugar/brie/deli meats/salad bars. Some of us have tried both Western and Eastern medicine to help. We've heard all the stories of people who went to a fertility specialist and were all ready pregnant at that point. We know all about the woman who was on the adoption list, and then miraculously fell pregnant.

* Thoughts like 'it's in the universe's hands' or 'God is in control', whilst often exceptionally true, don't often act like a salve to our battered hearts and emotions. Many of us have lain prone on the floor for hours, crying out to God to ask Him what He wants from us. A lot of us have our faith and hold onto it daily - but we still hurt. We still cry. We still think it unfair. We still ask God why the child abuser could fall pregnant, and we can't. Why we are going through this. Most of us still don't have an answer.

* Please don't think I've lost my faith or don't believe God can do miracles. We haven't, and we do. We just know that everytime we see a negative test result, or get another month of bleeding, or have to fork out another four figured sum to try another implantation - it hurts.


This piece isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to let me get away with a pity party. It's just I know a lot of women on both sides of the fence (facing difficult reproduction issues/not knowing what to say to someone who has those issues), and thought this post might help both sides.

Sending lots of hugs to all my beautiful girlfriends on both sides of the issue. God bless you all, and I pray for a miracle to all my LTTTCers, ARTers and everyone who is faced with the struggle of infertility, miscarriage and bodies which just don't act like they are supposed to.

(((hug)))

World Youth Day

Although not a Catholic (well, some may beg to differ - depending on the definition you use, and how important a Christening is... :D ), I have great respect for some beautiful Catholics I know in my daily life.

Anyway, next week is the World Youth Day festival in Sydney, where Catholic pilgrims from all over Australia and the World come to celebrate their faith and relationship with God. The Pope is also over for the festivities, so it's a rather large event.

I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree with the Catholic faith, or have issues with tax expenditure or new legislation being set up for the event, but this post is not about that.

I met a lovely group of Pilgrims from the USA last night in Macdonalds of all places! We live quite close to a large Catholic high school, and these Pilgrims are being billeted there until next Monday.

It was so nice to sit with them, talk about their time here, welcome them to our country and hear their stories of how they came to celebrate WYD in Australia.

So if you happen to run into a Pilgrim during the next week (they aren't that hard to miss!), stop and say hello for a second.

Welcome them to Australia and wish them a lovely time during their stay. Who knows - you might just find a great friend amongst them!

FINALLY!

I get to talk about Rwanda at Church tomorrow! (Insert happy dance here).

Without saying too much - I have been dying to talk about Rwanda on a more 'formal' platform. Not to show how great I am going off 'saving the world' (pfft, I'm not QUITE that glassy eyed!) - but more because it's become such a passion of mine, and I've wanted to share it with people. It has been very hard watching other team members get the opportunity, and not be able to do it myself. I've had to watch the 'green eyed monster' more than I like to admit.

Our Church has it's Self Denial Appeal running at the moment. In a nutshell - each year the Salvos highlight a mission of some description, and encourage members to donate to it. The 'self-denial' part is to try and give one week's salary. We don't (with a mortgage, that's impossible!); but we give substantially to it.

Anyway, our Church is having people who are involved with missions come up and talk about the way they've been involved - and how those ministries survive on donations such as those made during Self Denial.

And yesterday I got asked to do this Sundays. It's only two minutes, and it's focussed around SDA - but it's something.

This is going to be interesting. I'm going straight to Church after night duty - so let's all pray I am coherent enough to make sense.

I'm going to spend most of the time talking about Muhunga (the new outpost that is thriving) and the Kigali preschool (impacting the entire community, despite its many limitations).

This is such a massive opportunity for me.   There's SO much going on at our Church, that 'stage time' is considered very precious, and it's not often opened up for things like this.  So to be asked to share my experience is like WOW!

I'm so excited.  LOL!

Back at home

I must admit that it's been a challenge to be back at home. Don't get me wrong, I love the perks of being in a first world nation, it's been great to see family (including those of the 4 legged variety) and AWESOME to be back with Brad; but there has been a lot of challenges at the same time.

I miss Rwanda

I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.

I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.

I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.

I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.

This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.

I'm lonely

As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.

Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.

It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.

Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.


So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.

Journal entries for Rwanda

As promised, here are the journal entries for Rwanda. These are in order, but cover a number of days at a time.

Enjoy!

*****

10 Jan 2008

Hello from Rwanda!

Well now I get to send my own email, and I’m really excited. It’s nice to be able to send you a more personalized note, letting you know how I’m getting on as part of the Project 1:8 Rwanda team.



As most of you know – I didn’t arrive on the day that was expected (Friday). Our flight out from Brisbane had mechanical problems in Cairns, so arrived 2 hours late to pick us up. We arrived in Hong Kong to find our flight gone. The people at Cathay Pacific were lovely though, and got us on a flight to Frankfurt, Germany. 3 hours there, then on to Ethiopia (via Sudan) and we stayed the night. God blessed us and for $20USD we got transfers to a hotel, accommodation for a night, and breakfast, as well as transfers back to the airport.



Sat morning at the Ethiopian airport there were many dramas, and they almost didn’t let us on the flight (they didn’t like the delay/reroute pass Cathay gave us), but at the last minute the gate opened for us. So we got to Rwanda at about 1pm Rwandan time. And everyone was VERY relieved to see us! Poor Paul's phone hadn't worked, and we didn't get the new number until the morning in Ethiopia (Saturday), so he had NO idea where we were!



We got to see the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre, which was heartbreaking and amazing at the same time. So much pain in this country, yet the reconciliation projects have been awesome in bringing the whole country back together. You’d never know on the streets how bad it was, 14 years ago.



The people here are beautiful. We have learnt lots of Kinyarwandan, and I also get to speak a lot of French, which I love. They speak Kinyarwandan, French and a little bit of English (the government wants everyone to be fluent in English). Apparently my French is very good, so they speak a million miles an hour to me, and I have to slow them down all the time until I pick up all the words!



We love the Feet First conference. Everyone is so willing to learn, be taught and also share with us their experiences at their own corps. We have 21 delegates, from all over Rwanda, and it’s just been awesome to spend time with them. Every day we go to the Church (Corps) @ 7am, and don't leave til about 10pm. Except tonight - it's about 7:45pm Rwandan time as I send this. We got a free night, which we REALLY needed!!!



Every afternoon at 5pm we run a Kids Club for the kids in the community near the Church hall (corps) with the delegates. So far it’s going very well, and the kids all love us. They all want to hold the Mzungu’s (white person’s hand), so it’s hard when there’s so many of them, and so few of us (with only two hands too!). Somehow we understand each other, and there are lots of cuddles, tickles, chasings and singing.



Our rooms at the Red Cross Guest House are awesome. We’ve had hot showers with good pressure almost all the time (last night we had good pressure, but only cold water), and electricity. We feel very blessed! I share a room with one of the other girls on the team, and we get on really well.



The food has been excellent as well. Lots of vegetables, chicken, mince, beans, peas, potatoes for lunch/dinner (we also usually get bread at lunch for sandwiches), and hard boiled eggs. Breakfast is usually bread, and occasionally we get boiled eggs or omelettes. And there is LOADS of tea to drink! Sometimes we get coke/fanta as well, so we’re very spoilt.



As a team, we get on famously. Lots of laughs, but also great encouragement and support from everyone. We’ve been really well most of the time – only a couple of sore tummies and sore feet (I haven’t had anything bad). My sunscreen and mosquito repellant is working well – no bites or burns yet.



We get free time on Friday, and we have to go renew our visas, as they only last 2 weeks (and the second week we won’t be in Kigali to do it). Saturday morning is also free – so I might get more phone credit and email chances then. We’re also going to go to the Hotel des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial on one of these days. I’ve been told that my sms seems to work (my phone doesn’t like calling out though!), so hopefully I can send some on.



Saturday afternoon we go to a rural corps – Kyenzi, about 50km away (1 hr drive). It is very primitive – no running water, no electricity, sleeping on the Church floor, etc. We are excited about it – we feel a bit ‘alien’ so far, with all the creature comforts we’ve received.



We will go to the next rural Corps (Muhunga – also called Gitarama) on the Thursday, and we stay in a hotel there (albeit very basic from what we’ve heard). But it will mean electricity, hot water, and running water again!

It is such a blessing to have you all praying and thinking of me during this time. I love Rwanda, and I feel humbled that I am here serving God. It feels like I’ve come home, and I hope I can come back one day.


God bless you all, and I will write again when I can.

*****

12 Jan 2008

Today is our last day in Kigali (it’s pronounced ‘Shi-gali’) before heading out to Kyensie. It’s about 1:30pm here, it takes just over an hour to get to Kyensie, and we will be there til Thursday morning.



The rest of Feet First was amazing. We made such great relationships with all our delegates – it was a very special time. On the last night we had an ‘Acts 1:8’ night, which was a commissioning of sorts, releasing them in the Holy Spirit to be equipped to serve as God would have them, back in their Corps (Church). The last morning we washed their feet, which was very alien to them, to be served by white people. All of them have said how much they enjoyed being with us, and learning what they did.



I have a Kinyarwandan name now – it is Umufasha, which means helper. They were finding my name quite tricky to pronounce, so as Sascha means helper of mankind, I wanted to have the word for ‘helper’ in their language. So I’m using it all the time now.



We are all very healthy and happy, and loving our time over here. As I said in my last email, it very much feels like I’ve come home in a way. I struggle sometimes with a western mindset, so to come to a country that seems to desire the same things I do – it touches my heart. I have been quite teary at some points over here, with the love, generosity and connection I’ve experienced from and with the people and culture here.



Kyensie will be quite interesting. There is no water in the village (it will be brought in by buckets every day), no heating, no electricity. And drop toilets (basically a cement floor with a hole in the middle). The drop toilet doesn’t bother me – more the issue with flies and the fact that they aren’t ‘great shots’ (if you know what I mean!). Sometimes it would be MUCH easier to be a boy in these countries. Like yesterday – I was in heaven as I finally got to wear jeans again (I’m over skirts – hate the things)! I was praising God the whole time!



But, I really do love it here. God is teaching me heaps and keeping me safe, and my heart is wide open.



Here are my prayer points for the next week.


Health and safety for Kyensie (especially with the risks in regards to water, mosquitos, hygiene and food).
Great connections with the people
Good sleep (we will be sleeping on mattresses in the church hall)
Ongoing cohesiveness with the team (we’ve been great thus far)
I’m doing devotions on Monday – pray for God to guide my words



As for communication, we expect it to be non-existent with the outside world. I am going to try my phone and see if I can get connected to Brad/Mum, but I doubt it.



Whilst we are there we are leading the service on Sunday, meeting the district leaders (Government), meeting with a school and a health care centre, running a kids club, and walking up a hill to see the view at one stage. Every night one of us is leading the devotions (as I said before).



On Thursday morning we will leave for Muhunga (some maps still refer to it at Gitarama). We will be staying in a hotel apparently during that visit, and it’s expected (from talking to the Salvo leaders here) that it will be quite modern, and actually nicer than the guesthouse we’ve been in, in Kigali.



We don’t know the plan for Muhunga yet – we probably won’t until we get there. We are there from Thursday til Monday – so we’ll be in the service Sunday morning (and Sunday school), but we don’t know anything else. We come back to Kigali on the Monday afternoon, so we will DEFINITELY be contactable again at that point, if it’s proved impossible in the other districts.

Well that’s all from me for now. I hope this finds you well, safe and happy. God bless you all, and I will be in contact again when I can.

*****

18 Jan 2008

Muraho from Muhunga!

Muraho! Umukuru? I'm great. Sorry if the spelling is wonky - this is a European keyboard and the keys are in all different spots! Very tricky for us touch typers!

Anyway (ahh we found a way to retrain the computer to read an English keyboard, even when you type on a European style keyboard - much quicker!), we are now in Muhunga, and it's about 8:45pm. We arrived here around 4pm this afternoon.

Our time in Kyenzi (Kinyarwandan spelling) was amazing. This little town right in the mountains, feeling like you're at the edge of civilisation - just... I can't even find the words. The captains at the Corps (Church) were so beautiful to us, I can't begin to tell you how much they served us. They have five children of their own, and are responsible for a very big district (from a Salvo perspective), yet they did SO much for us during our time with them above and beyond what was necessary.

We had bucket baths for 5 days (small bucket, two jugs of water - one hot, one cold, and 'top and tail' clean); a porcelain toilet that didn't flush (for number ones!); and a bunch of drop toilets exposed to all and sundry (a small half-building with no walls, dirt floor, and a hole in the middle) for your number twos. God was awesome and 'clogged' me the whole time, so I just dealt with the porcelain. Sorry if this is too much information - trust me when I say it has been the MAIN conversation topic for the past 5 days between the team, so nothing is sacred any more!

I should add that I didn't wash my hair for 5 days (none of the girls did), so all of a sudden the ability to hide as much of my hair as possible was quite the necessity!

There was no electricity, so we spent our nights playing cards as a group by the light of candles. Very intimate - but also loads of fun to just spend that time together.

As for 'work' - this wasn't as busy as last week. I'll do a quick run down.

Saturday night - arrived at about 4pm to children singing to us in welcome. Just amazed by all the muzungus running around. Dinner with the captains, devotions, and then bed.

Sunday - Sunday school with about 30 kids at 8:30am for an hour (bible story, game and songs). Church at 10 til about 12 noon (Sharon from our team lead the service). We were each made a gift to take home with us. Kids club in the afternoon with about 120 kids for an hour (games and songs).

Monday - Went to a school and a health care clinic. The health care clinic was AWESOME - nutrition, triage, HIV/AIDS and a maternity wing. The maternity wing is run by a Spanish Nurse Midwife who has been there for about 30 years. She is just awesome. I would love to have had more time here. They do an amazing work. This was the night we began having card games together, and it has been some of the funniest times we've had all trip.

Tuesday - Home League (Women's Bible Study) in the morning. Were able to experience some traditional dance, which was so great to watch. Also were able to purchase some crafts and handiworks to take home. In the afternoon we climbed this mountain - the girls IN SKIRTS. It was SO hard doing it, but so worth it when we got to the top - amazing views of one of the rivers that lead into the nile, heaps of mountains, and also got to spend time with villagers who live up there. Took lots of photos.

Wednesday - went to a nearby Corps (Church) outpost in Bitare. Another climb (not as strenuous) to an ancient burial ground behind the corps, which had these massive outcroppings of limestone rock. Again an awesome view. In the afternoon had an Officers Meeting (Ordained Ministers) meeting back in Kyenzi, which was another bible study-type event, but with q&a time with us about Australia.

Thursday - Visited the preschool on the Corps grounds in the morning, and then left for Muhunga in the afternoon.

I should also add that we were very blessed at the Corps - we were expecting to all sleep on the floor of the Church, but they had small rooms (girls were 2 to a room, boys all shared together in a room, Paul & Kirsten had their own room at the Corps Officers house) for us, inclusive of proper beds, bedding and privacy.

It became very difficult during this time to deal with the 'celebrity' status we had. Although the kids were awesome, it was very hard to always come out to stacks of kids at your doorstep at all hours of the day and night. It was sweet, and we were always gracious, but sometimes you just long for your own space, away from being prodded and laughed at (because you look so weird to everyone else), and people hanging off your windows desperate to see you at any opportunity.

The kids however are awesome. We got stacks of cuddles from the preschoolers on the Corps campus, and they always had a smile for us. Some of those memories will last me a lifetime.

We all shared our testimony during this time as well, and it really bonded us. Some of us shed lots of tears and were very 'tender' during this time, so it was great to be able to lean on one another to get through it.

So that was Kyenzi. Very special, very unique, loads of fun, but also very stretching for all of us.

And today we arrived in Muhunga, having NO idea what to expect. And can I just say that we are SOOOOO blessed.

We each have our own private room with ensuite; mosquito nets, heating, and flushable toilets and working showers! The hot water doesn't last for too long, but we aren't complaining. I was like a kid at Christmas being able to wash my hair again and soak in a hot shower. Not to mention having my own space again - that's indescribable right now! You really beging to treasure those little things in places like this.

Muhunga is a fairly large town - not quite as big as Kigali, but has all the mod cons like electricity, heating and internet, as well as supermarkets and petrol stations (none of which Kyenzi had). It's almost like reappearing on eath, in some ways.

Our schedule for the next few days goes like this.

Today (Thursday): Free time. Did washing, internet, had dinner, sleep.

Friday: Visitation time with Corps in morning, nothing in afternoon/night.

Saturday: Visitation time with Corps (around Muhunga) in morning, Kids Club in the afternoon. Nothing at night.

Sunday: Church in the morning. Nothing in afternoon/night.

Monday: Leave around 10am for Kigali. Day one of debrief.

There's no pressing needs prayer-wise for this time in Muhunga. I guess the one selfish thing is we would all like steady hot water and good sleeps, but that's not that urgent. On a 'work' side of things, please pray that we keep investing in those around us positively, always wait on God during this time, and that we still keep on building awesome relationships. We have thus far, and it's been amazing.

Some of you have asked the following, so I'll answer:

Are you doing any medical work? No, not really. We did get to visit a health clinic briefly, and we will see another during a Compassion Village (like World Vision) next Thursday; but I'm not 'working' per se - just observing. Pretty much all of our time has been mapped out by the Corps (Salvo Churches) we visit, so it involves a lot of 'meet and greets' with people attached to the Corps, or who are being impacted on by the Corps (children, women around the area, clinics/schools that have been set up, rehoming places, etc).

What has been the best thing I've done? This is such a hard question to answer. There has been so much. Things that stick out is some of the community 'walks' we've done - just going out into the village, shaking the villagers hands, saying hello to them and just seeing how they live has been such an amazing thing for me. The health clinic, even though our visit was short, sticks out as well.

What has been the hardest? Probably just waiting on God to tell me why I'm here. It was very clear that I had to come - but there's no long-term purpose that I can see right now. I feel this trip has set 'something' in motion, but I don't know what that 'something' is yet. I've been learning a lot of patience and just taking things 'day to day' (hard for someone who plans to the nth degree); and maybe that's the biggest thing I will take from this trip. I was really worried about this a few days into the trip - but now I just have faith God will show me what the 'big picture' is, when I am ready to know it.

Do I miss home? Yes and no. I have missed Brad, and there's loads I wish he could share with me, but I know this trip was for *me*, and for God to work in *me*. And it was probably a good time for Brad as well, back home, but in all honesty I don't really miss much about home, apart from Brad.

So there's my windup of the last 6 days. God bless you all, I hope you are well, and I will email again probably back in Kigali.

*****

23 Jan 2008

Muraho to all; apologies if there are spelling mistakes, again a french keyboard and some of the keys dont use the icons they say they do!

We have just said goodbye to 2 of our team as they begin their journey home. It is hard to believe that we are on the home stretch all ready; it feels like we only just started.

Muhunga was very different to what we expected. It is a new "outpost" (4 months old), yet it all ready has 50 regular attenders. There were quite a few more during the service we attended, probably due to us; but we hope and pray they continue to attend now, and that the Corps will flourish.

We came back to Kigali on Sunday afternoon instead of Monday morning, as it was easier for debrief to arrive earlier. Monday and Tuesday were mainly debriefing sessions (4 in total), as well as some shopping expeditions to purchase gifts and souvenirs, and seeing places of interest like Hotel Des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial (for the 10 UN peacekeepers murdered whilst protecting the Prime Minister). There is a touch of sadness as we do all this "final" stuff, as we know our farewells from this amazing land are not far off. We could not have imagined how much we fell in love with the people and the country here. There is so much peace, joy and love as we have experienced the Rwandaise people and environment, and we have been humbled by their sacrifice and service towards us.

There is lots for me to process as I return home. There is a clear calling for me to return here; however in what way, when and in what context is still to be revealed. This will probably be my last email from Rwanda; so please pray for the following:

* Home in one piece. No lost luggage, no breakages, no sudden detours to places like New York or London!

* A clear direction as to Brad's and my next step. This is for both of us and not just me. For a revelation as to what Rwanda means for the two of us. For clarity in my thoughts as I discuss my journey with Brad and for what that means for the future.

* To stay healthy. I have thus far and it needs to continue.

* For God to show me how best to share my experience with others (Church; family; friends; work).

Today we will do the last bits of shopping and finalise flights and whatnot. Tomorrow we spend the day at a Compassion project. Friday morning Paul and Kirsten leave; and the rest leave at 5pm (1am Saturday Brisbane time). Flights are via Ethiopia, Bangkok, Hong Kong & Cairns before arrival in Brisbane around lunch time on Sunday. Brad and I will be uncontactable for the next few days, but I will be in contact on the Thursday, most probably. I will be at Church on the next Sunday and would love to catch up with the NBCers at that point. Lunch or coffee would be a great way to connect!

Anyway, time to go again. Big hugs to all and next time we speak I'll be back in Oz. WOW!

*****

And that was my time in Rwanda! Hope you enjoyed the read, I will be posting debrief notes soon, with photos of my time away.

Back from Rwanda - posting my journal

Muraho!

It has been a long time since I last wrote - and I'm going to start up again with my updates from my trip to Rwanda.

From 4-25 January 2008 I was part of a Salvation Army Mission Outreach to Rwanda. We went to 3 areas - Kigali (capital), Kyenzi (a mountainous rural area) and Muhunga (a small town, yet with facilities very similar to Kyenzi). Each area we were connected up with a Corps (a Salvation Army church) and built relationships with the people of Rwanda, not to mention run a conference for Salvation Army leaders of Children/Youth/Creative Ministries for the first week!

There were 9 of us in total from Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, Sydney and Melbourne, ranging in ages from early twenties to late forties.

Anyway, that's enough of a background - let's move on to the journal entries, as sent to relatives and friends.