Don't Fight It

I chose this song for this piece long before I had decided on what I wanted to say. After viewing the clip again, I remembered why I love this song and why it resonates with me so much.

Deep down, I'm a very emotional person. And I hate it. Absolutely despise being ruled by my emotions. Fight it every step of the way. I feel that being rational and thinking through things (rather than letting the heart run away from someone) is a much better way to live my life.

It's a constant battle for me. I had years of letting my emotions dictate my next move. And I came back from that badly burnt and with some long lasting scars.

So, not so many years ago, I chose to follow my head. If my heart felt a pull towards something - I would not do a thing about it until I had the rationale and evidence behind myself to know it would be a good decision.

I did that with my choice of husband; I did that with my choice of occupation; I do that with everything now.

But lately, my heart has overrun what I believed was the better lifestyle choice. I felt a pull towards something that I never expected to want or crave in my life or future. I hated myself for this. I was angry about it. I waited for the craving to go away, assuming it to be nothing more than a 'phase'.

It never went away. It never waned. It sat in my spirit like an enemy, brooding and invading my every thought.

It's been a scary few months. With a lot of prayer, a lot of discussion with Brad, and a lot of 'shifting of the furniture' to accommodate it.

It required a new outlook on life. A new purpose. A plan and a timeframe that is getting every so closer, and making this desire a tangible reality for the two of us.

I chose not to fight it. And let the desire, the craving, the insatiable need for it, wash over me.

So again, this song. This beautiful, heartbreaking song. One of my favourites of the past year. It challenges me to allow myself this one scary, exhilirating, amazing desire to become a reality.