Abeje's Latest Photo Shoot

A couple of weeks ago now, but we had these done at 19 weeks gestation.

Plenty of movement every day now - but I can still only feel Abeje from the inside. Can not wait until there's a real kick felt against my hand and I can share it with B. I thank God every day that I can experience this.

Abeje's now measuring 4 days ahead of 'dates'; however I seem to have stayed the same weight, which is making me pretty happy!

My only complaint? The shocking rib pain I've had lately. I'm under instructions to be careful and make sure it's not my gall bladder, but as far as we can all tell this is just my body adjusting to a growing baby. And apparently it's only going to get squishier!

Baby Bump

Well the belly is growing by leaps and bounds. I'm not feeling too bad now - tiredness is always there and I think Abeje has found my ribs well and truly; but life's going pretty well.

I'm now over halfway (21 weeks tomorrow) and to be honest the whole thing rather surprises me. It's been a time where I've counted down each 'milestone' as I pass it, and to have got this far never ceases to amaze me.

Had the Morphology scan a week ago, followed by my next obstetrician appointment and my first antenatal class, so I guess I should be feeling prepared by now... right? Sure, any minute now I'm going to feel like I'm totally on top of this and completely prepared to deal with labour and birth and all those fun things!

(NOT).

But in spite of my complete LACK of preparedness and my feelings of 'what the heck am I in for'; I am rather enjoying this whole stage of my life; and even though it feels and looks a bit alien, I am a bit proud of 'the bump'.

21 February - 18 weeks + 6 days

Only 19 weeks and one day to go as of today - or so they tell me.

Weddings and Weekends Away

The weekend after we got home from Melbourne, my cousin Kirsten got married. Being a late-ish wedding we decided we'd stay up at Maleny for the night and booked in to a beautiful "Anne of Green Gables" style B&B.

The wedding was beautiful, Kirsten looked stunning and apparently I didn't scrub up too bad myself.

It was lovely to catch up with the extended family once more!

My mum and I

The terrible trio (Abeje's in there somewhere!)

Melbourne Mischief

My favourite city in the whole of Australia would be Melbourne. Many MANY times have I commented that if we were to move anywhere else in Australia - it would be Melbourne.

Oh the fun I would have!

Thanks to B's birthday, and a tiny insignificant band by the name of AC/DC, we flew down for four glorious days in February. Scott & Karen also came down for a night, so whilst the boys went off to that rather loud cacophony; the girls went and gorged themselves on Italian (pregnancy rules still in effect despite the beautiful prosciutto and brie on offer!).

My sister in law is an awesome creature, and brought me down some maternity clothes; which have turned me both into a bit of a fashion icon as well as a money saver! The woman is a legend and I love her muchly.

We had so much fun over the next four days. Sure I made my husband walk from one end of the city to the other, and he got tired of me saying 'I love Melbourne' again and again and again - but it is an amazing city and I always get a small pang for it whenever we return home.

STUFF WE GOT UP TO...

Old Melbourne Gaol

Best little Cafe in Carlton (little may be a lie!)

Well, when in Melbourne... SHOP!

Placate husband with this quirky little stop-off

Dine at your favourite French patisserie

Catch your breath at Fitzroy Gardens

Say hey to Gog & Magog

Watch the trams go by

Say goodbye for another year or two...

Ahhh Melbourne, I miss you so!

The bump

Turns out a number of people like to see 'bump' photos as well as 'face' photos. So once a month I'll do one of those bump photos (but don't hold your breath for anything of the naked stomach variety).

Here I am at 16 weeks exactly.

My Emma!

For years and years I have drooled over a particularly fancy pram called an Emmaljunga (or 'Emma' for short).

These prams are one of the best rated on the market, but also come with an elevated price tag that someone such as myself would not even consider accepting.

My friend Liz has had this brand of pram for quite a few years, and whenever I saw her at soccer with her two little boys, I would sigh wistfully at her pram and lust over its prettiness.

When B and I first started trying for a baby, I talked with Liz and it was decided that I would buy it off her when the time came.

But when 'the time came', Liz was awaiting her precious third bundle. So I gave up my dreams of an Emma and focussed on finding something else.

Well two weeks ago, Liz asked if I still wanted to buy her pram - as they were desperate to sell.

DID I EVER!!!

So Friday night I took collection of 'Emma', and it's looking very pretty (and very big) in our lounge-room.

Isn't she beautiful?

A plug

My friend Emma has an amazing sister named Kate who seems to be able to do anything and then some!

One of her many talents is pregnancy & newborn photography (as part of her company, In House Studios); and I have often seen the results of other friends sessions with Kate, and I have been looking forward to the time when B & I will get our chance to have a session.

She is also a very creative woman - and this was evidenced in the lovely little package that arrived at my house last week when I asked for her information package to be sent.

Isn't it cute?

Oh to have that artistic flair!

Stop Press - Brad Smiles!

People often talk about your 'family of origin' and how it can affect a husband and wife relationship.

In our marriage, this can be very true when it comes to our attitude towards having our photo taken.

In my house, I was an only child to a single mum for quite a long time - so I would guestimate I've had... ooo, maybe 10 000 odd photos taken of myself (probably more) up until this point. And I learnt very quickly that not smiling when the camera comes out will make that photo shoot drag on!

B's family doesn't appear to be as 'trigger happy' as mine when it comes to cameras, and there can be much weeping and gnashing of teeth done by Mr Sasch whenever that camera comes out. As we are currently tracking pregnancy weeks, you can imagine his excitement at the proliferation of photos being taken!

There are often comments made that my husband ends up looking a bit of a grump in most of our photos - and to be honest, yes, he does - sometimes.

But after a particularly entertaining afternoon at my mothers, and with some help from my mum, my stepsister and yours truly - we actually got a few smiles this time around!

I am not giving you the satisfaction of a smile!

Why must everyone tease me?

If I grit my teeth and bear it, they may stop soon

My wife plays dirty!

Meeting Lee & Lorraine

15 weeks reached today & it was off to our first midwife & obstetric appointment.

It's a bit strange being on the other side of the wall, so to speak. All the paperwork I've flicked through for years in my work in obstetrics/gynae, and it's now for me. All the obstetric/midwife notes I generally flick over in order to get to partograms and clinical pathways during labour - I now have my very own set.

All parties were very happy with me - well, Lee (my obstetrician who I've worked with for years) will be as long as I promise not to do any more night duty. All those statistics showing increased risks of premature labour and all that. Trust me, I'm not disappointed to give it up.

Yet more paperwork to read - about food and exercise and breastfeeding and private antenatal classes and postnatal depression. But I did get a really nice baby book to write down all the 'firsts' that Abeje will eventually have.

And over to pathology for even more blood tests - the ones that check for the nasties like Syphilis and HIV and Hepatitis. I am well and truly over blood tests now - but there's still more to come as time goes on. I also got a referral off to the anaesthetists to check my back due to having scoliosis as a child. Just in case I do end up begging for an epidural and the poor anaesthetist on at 2am in the morning freaks out over my back (I don't think they will though).

But the best bit was hearing Abeje's heartbeat, which we haven't heard since 7 weeks pregnant (we only saw it during the NT scan). Nice and strong and in the right range, which was wonderful once more.

Next time I see everyone won't be until the end of February, so I get a bit of rest from appointments now.

Abeje's First Photo Shoot!

I know many of you have been waiting to see our bub 'in utero', and so here are the pictures from Abeje's first modeling shoot!

Waving to his/her fans!

Tiny little feet

Abeje's Profile (complete with legs crossed!)

Abeje the little smoker!

It's amazing just watching this little baby jumping around and realising that all that movement is in my belly right now!

Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the midwives and Lee (our obstetrician), and I also reach 15 weeks!

I told my work the other day - they are all thrilled and taking extra special care of me.

It's all over til next roster!

Thank you Jesus for only two night duties. Please Jesus can that continue until they tell me I don't have to do nights any more!

Thank you Jesus for portable water evaporative coolers (given by parents) that keep me cool during the very hot days I'm supposed to be sleeping in. Please Jesus let it keep working until we can afford air conditioning.

Thank you Jesus for keeping me awake until 5am this morning, when we finally got the last (of 5) patients back to the ward. Please Jesus, it'd be really nice on all those ladies in birth suite (and me!) if more of them can get their babies out without having to visit us (ok, it's not ENTIRELY selfish, is it?).

Thank you Jesus for the safe arrival of my dear friend Myf's baby. Please Jesus let her recover nicely and just keep falling in love more with her new little man.

Thank you Jesus for new DVDs to watch, a new MUSE cd to listen to, and new sleepwear to enjoy. Please Jesus let me find a nice maternity dress for the wedding, and some other much needed maternity items that won't cost me the earth!

I think that's my prayers for today...

Told a few people at work yesterday. Also put up a photo from our 12 week scan on my locker (which I promise I'll pop up here soon as B can scan them for me), which meant lots of other people came up and asked 'is that photo what I think it is?'. Is very nice being the centre of attention - and I do like all the hugs and cheers and everything.

I am sure, however, that I definitely want to go through labour; and that no amount of fourth degree tears/episiotomies/forcep & vacuum deliveries I see are going to change my mind and have me booking in for a 38 week c-section!

Now it's three glorious days off until I go back.

Yawn...

I hate night duty at the best of times.

I hate late/early turn around shifts at the best of times (ie. finish late at night one day, start the next day's shift nice and early in the morning).

Throw in pregnancy - I am downright LOATHING night duty. Hate hate hate hate hate. Seriously - there have been floods of tears right up to the minute I leave home.

That is all.

(Can you tell I'm right in the thick of my return to work/night duty shifts?).

21 weeks til Maternity Leave... 21 weeks til Maternity Leave...

Perks of Pregnancy

I have found that alongside the constant nausea and the endless feelings of fatigue, there are some pretty good side effects of being pregnant.

My skin is clearer than it has ever been since I was a teenager. Not that I've had massive outbreaks of acne since being a teenager - but there's always been two or three hanging around stubbornly. Since being pregnant my skin seems to be better than ever (and I don't think it's just the increase in water intake).

My hair is growing so fast. Okay, so this is mildly frustrating after a great haircut - but usually my hair is just painful. Since being pregnant it just seems to 'work' a lot more.

But I think the main 'wow' has been my nails. I have been an obsessive nail picker (and occasional biter) since childhood, even to the point that mum bribed me with a ring if I stopped picking them when I was 8. Not even that was enough to stop me. If I've had long nails, it's been because of acrylics and nothing more.

But within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant, my nails were so long and so strong. I would literally stop and stare at my nails some days, not believing they could look so good.

And yesterday was my first ever manicure. Oh my goodness - bliss! It is such a nice thought that I can go and have a manicure now, and not be wasting anybody's time.

Now I just have to learn how to paint my nails. I have (for the first time ever) bought some nail polish (in a metallic cherry red and Metallic midnight blue); and I need some tips! This is the first time I've ever tried nail polish, and I'm a bit scared of it!

But here are my nails, beautiful and long and shiny!

I think my mother owes me a ring!

Reflections of 2009 - a Montage

Rather than my usual post highlighting the highs & lows of the previous year, I've got something a bit different for 2009.

Sit back and enjoy the slideshow we did for my parents to tell them about Abeje.

My Adorable Niece...

So Z, who is four, was told during our stay with B's family that we were having a baby. During a quiet moment on Christmas Day, I thought I'd ask her what she thought about the whole thing, and if she had any thoughts about what Abeje would be like. The following conversation ensued...

Me: Z, do you think Aunty Sasch's baby is a boy or a girl?

Z: A girl

Me: Why?

Z: Because you're a girl, and girls have girl babies (interesting, considering she has a brother!).

Me: What colour eyes will the baby have?

Z: Blue, just like mine (has to be a recessive gene then, seeing my eyes are black almost, and B's are hazel).

Me: What colour hair will the baby have?

Z: Blonde, just like mine (again, recessive genes must be strong, as both of us have dark brown hair; as do both of our parents).

Me: And what should we call the baby?

Z: Carrie-Anne (she was quite firm on this point, but we don't know quite why. It's not the name of a Disney Princess and she doesn't know anyone with this name).

So there you go - Abeje as described by Miss Z. Will be interesting to see how accurate she is!

New Years Resolutions...

Do you do these? Do you think they are a waste of time? Do you have goals that try to be achieved every year, and have you been successful?

I try to make more 'life philosophy' type resolutions, so here are mine for 2010.

* Be kinder towards everyone I meet and not let my passion act like a steam roller over people's feelings and emotions.

* Be more thoughtful, encouraging and helpful towards my husband.

* Prioritise my time with God better than I have this year.

* Deliver Abeje safely and healthily in July.

* Get onto some kind of fitness plan for the year. Even if that just means using the wii fit we just bought with the Christmas money!

And my scripture of the year? Actually, it's been mine for most of this year as well - but I think it sums up what I see my role as quite well...

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8).

Blessings everyone as we start 2010 together.

Our Miracle

Well after eighteen months of tests, drugs, tears and prayers, our miracle has finally arrived.

As of Monday, I am twelve weeks pregnant and due on the 19th of July.

We have had three scans thus far (at 5.5 weeks, 7 weeks, and yesterday at 11.5 weeks) and bub is doing really well. Yesterday we even saw bub stretching and kicking!

We are so excited about what the next little while has in store for us, and it has been VERY hard to not shout it from the rooftops!

We have named our bub 'Abeje' for now, which is Nigerian and means we asked for this one.

God bless you all through 2010, and I pray that all your prayers come true this year.

Love Sasch, B & Abeje

Conference - heck of a lot of knowledge in such a short period of time.

Amazingly, I did still get to a lot of conference sessions. As I'd said earlier, I developed bronchitis during my holiday, so I was sick in bed for one day of conference, but I still got to see a lot of great sessions on a plethora of different issues.

With my passion for the developing world, especially reproductive health in those countries, I sought out sessions that were specifically to do with caring for women where resources are scant; The Millennium Development Goals; and how to deal with traditional practices which are harmful to reproductive health (ie. female genital mutilation, early marriage & myths about HIV & AIDS).

It was an amazing conference. I saw people from all over Africa, as well as the Middle East, Asia, India, South America, as well as the obvious countries like the UK, US and Canada. Apparently over 8000 delegates were registered, and the Cape Town International Convention Centre was a superb venue from which to host such a massive congress.

Obviously in the realm of reproductive health, we touch on some pretty sensitive issues. And with people from areas of the world where certain topics would never be discussed (even to the point of death or at least jail if they do so), it was interesting to see the conversations that came out of such sessions. I admit that sometimes in our developed world we can look at issues through our own little lense of what happens in our developed nation, without realising that this is a life and death issue in the developing world. It was fascinating to see the differences between western and eastern viewpoints on certain topics!

One of the major perks of the conference was the fact they had free wi-fi for all the conference delegates - which meant I could use Skype to call home whenever I had a break. For free!

T minus One Day...

I keep having to remind myself that this time tomorrow I will have just arrived in Singapore and resting before the continuing journey to Cape Town! I complained that this trip was taking ages to get here - now it just feels like the last month or so flew by without me even noticing!

It's all good though. After the stress of the weekend and having to chase my tail to make sure I got everything I needed, it's been relatively calm since. Apart from the last little bit currently being washed, everything is packed and it's just a matter of spending some quality time relaxing with my man before I leave.

The Allen's are doing really well, too. Tomorrow they leave for Harare, and have a night there before flighting out to Cape Town. They arrive about three hours after I do, so it's worked out quite well.

Did I actually go into what the conference I'm going to is for? I don't think so.

This is the World Congress of Gynaecology and Obstetrics, as run by FIGO (International Federation of Gynaecology & Obstetrics). It's purpose being to bring Obstetric and Gynaecology Health Professionals from all over the world together into one place to discuss anything and everything to do with Women's Reproductive and Sexual Health.

Some of the lectures I will be attending include:

Caesarean Section - auditing rates, VBAC, Surgical Techniques.

Human Rights in High Maternal Mortality Countries

FIGO Safe Motherhood and Newborn Health Projects Review (Pakistan, Uganda & Peru)

Amnesty International: Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Working in Defense of Human Rights

WHO: Reproductive Health in Crisis, Conflict, Disaster & Displacement Settings

WHO: Training HCPs t0 Improve Care for Women with FGM

Advancing Knowledge in Obstetric Fistula

Ethical Issues in the Prevention of HIV Transmission

That's only a very small portion of the lectures available for me to attend (and of the electives I have chosen). There's also a lot of sessions around topics such as Infertility, PCOS, Assisted Reproductive Technologies, Use of drugs in obstetrics, and other such relevant issues.

Fortunately, considering the number of lectures available to view, the majority of them will be recorded on to disc for us to purchase. I think for every lecture I chose, there were two others I was keen to attend, so this will certainly help.

Apart from that, my other plans include:

* A trek up Table Mountain

* A visit to Robben Island (where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned)

* A visit to Stellenbosch (gardens and wineries)

* A visit to the Cape of Good Hope (where the two oceans meet)

* A day safari to Aquila Private Game Reserve (home of 'The Big Five', as well as a Cheetah nursery)

And plenty of time to just hang out with Bek & Dion and just catch up on everything we've missed in the past six months.

I Lift My Eyes Up To The Hills... (Psalm 121)

I was originally going to title this 'In the Storm', because that's what the last two weeks have been like.

After the Taylor's died, I honestly felt like God had decided to put his combat boots on and starting kicking my backside like never before. People talk about wakeup calls, and how it motivates them to do better and be better - that's what it was like. This was the trumpet sounding before the great assault.

And then more stuff happened. Little things. Scary things. Stuff that makes you wonder where the hell is God in all of this? It's not too much longer before you realise that God is right there, even when you can't see Him. That His hand is holding you up in the midst of the fury.

I cried a lot this last fortnight. Most people assumed it was grief, and yes, that did play a part in it. But more than that, it was the Holy Spirit gently pulling away some layers from me that I never knew existed. There's pain involved whenever God does this stuff inside you, and I was feeling a lot of pain as He reached in. But this was pain due to healing, and I had to go through it in order to grow.

I've felt like I've been stuck in a holding pattern for a long time. Coming home from Rwanda, I knew I was having to wait on God before going ahead and starting the process of serving the Rwandaise. Infertility puts you in a holding pattern, as too many of my friends are well aware of. When you are considering another person in all of this, such as a spouse, holding patterns increase even more.

But I know now that the season for holding patterns has gone. That I'm being asked to activate the vision I've had for so long. That there are no more excuses to hold me back. That I have been asked to serve, and the time for serving is now.

It's hard to articulate exactly how this makes me feel. There's still a lot of unanswered prayer out there, as it's never as simple as just going. There's a lot of barriers between here and there, that noone but God is going to be able to take down.

Am I scared? Yes

Am I unsure of my next step? Yes

Does this seem impossible? Yes

I don't have any easy answers for any of this stuff. I just know that I'm being told that now is the time to get my calling to Rwanda off the ground. And I'm holding on to God to show me exactly the path that I should take to get there.

Would you pray with me?