Grieving

I had a friend die suddenly last week.

She was funny, beautiful, loyal and everyone gravitated to her. Her work ethic was superb, and although an amazingly strong Christian - she never once alienated people with it, or made out that she was 'better' than anyone else because of it. She was someone I admired, looked up to, and hoped to be like when I was in that stage of life (she was in her mid-40s).

I think it hit me so hard for a number of reasons. The main one was she got married early this year, to a man that supported her in everything, and completely adored her. To die so quickly after marriage - I couldn't help thinking how unfair that is, when everything just seems to be finally working out for someone.

I am thankful, however, that my last memories of her are beautiful ones. Sitting watching DVDs over night duty, laughing our heads off at the stupid things we see and say each day at work - often the most mundane, trivial, bizarre things, that only medical personnel would find funny.

Her funeral was amazing. To get know 'the other side' of a person, and really see how much of an impact she had on everyone (and not just those at work), really blessed me. To see a Church family gather around itself and mourn, yet celebrate a life in Heaven at the same time - it really impacted me. I think it shocked a few people at work (not many were aware of her deep ties to her Christian faith); but to see such joy at the time of such grief - it really made me remember what I'm ultimately here on earth for.

But, I'm grieving. I don't understand why this happens, and to be honest - I've been a bit mad at God about it.

The thing is though - I think He gets that. I think He wants me to be real about these emotions to Him. I think He loves me even despite my 'I don't understand you' debates with Him this week. I think it makes my faith more 'real', having that opportunity to really 'slug it out' with God every so often. Hey - Jacob, David and Job did it, so I think it's expected.

But, I'm grieving. Someone's gone from my life, and left a rather exposed hole right now.

God bless you Bron. I'll see you soon.