Mothers Day & Me

This is the first Mother's Day that really hurt. Last year I so naively thought that by Mother's Day 2009 I'd either be heavily pregnant, or had just given birth. Obviously, none of that happened, and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I don't want to make this a 'poor me' post. I hate people feeling sorry for me, and stumbling over themselves to apologise for my situation. It's noone elses fault - it's purely my body deciding that what should come naturally to it, just doesn't work for it. Twelve months have almost rolled by, and we're still trying to get my body to behave.

When Mother's Day rolled around, I wanted to roll back over, go to sleep and ignore it. Noone said anything stupid to me, and everyone was so careful to make sure I was 'okay' - but that doesn't lessen the blow when all you hear is how wonderful mum's are, and how being a mother is the greatest thing a woman can do, and how special mother's are.

I'm not denying Mother's are special. I love my mum and honour her for the sacrifices she made for me throughout her life. My Grandmother was an amazing woman who championed me in every single thing I put my heart and soul into. Both of these women made me the woman I am today, and I am so thankful with every fibre of my being that they are and were in my family.

But it did hurt hearing all those wonderful praises for something you so desperately want to be.

I have a lot of friends who have fought hard to be mothers. Some have succeeded, however are forever changed by the fight. Some are still fighting every single day to be a mum. Some have chosen to take a break, live a childfree life, or create a family through other means. Some are going to need some 'extra help' from the get-go, and just can't afford that right now. Some have experienced the wonder of pregnancy or even birth, only to have that beautiful soul taken far too early.

Those candles are for them.