Just a Girl (or maybe not)

I admit I'm a bit anxious about writing this post. It's another one of those posts where I feel I'm stripping away part of my 'mask' and the fall-out could be interesting.

Every now and then, I'll get an odd comment coming my way. Usually something to do with the fact that I don't appear to be 'feminine'. That I seem different to most women out there. That I seem to be running from my 'inherent femaleness' (I didn't make that up - someone actually said that to me).

I guess I get amused by comments like that. And then I get angry.

If you know me well, you know that stereotypes (particularly when it involves gender; and ESPECIALLY when the word 'Biblical' or 'Godly' gets tagged onto that) really, REALLY annoy me.

I know I'm going to be sitting through a 'what men want' discussion in my near future - and I'll admit that the idea makes me shudder. Simply because, from my experience thus far, it doesn't seem to match what my husband wants or likes or feels. Usually, the 'what men want' discussions and books freak me out - because they are more likely to describe ME!


And last I checked... I'm a girl.


I remember back when we were doing our premarital discussions and reading a lot of books about men and women and marriage, and most of them annoyed us. There were all these discussions of roles and needs and what was 'normal'; and it really just didn't fit with the people B and I were.

The things B was supposed to want - I wanted. The things I was supposed to need - B needed. I was the one with the higher sex drive. He was the one who needed more romance. I hate cooking. He loves it. He loves Jane Austen more than I do! And I'm the one with the more advanced phone (although he's not that far behind me now).

B and I don't believe in 'roles'. Apart from the Great Commission and Acts 1:8 ones, that is. We both are submitted to one another in our marriage. The only one who leads is God. The person who makes the final decision in our household generally is the one that

a) Knows the most about the issue
b) Is going to be the most influenced by the decision
c) Cares the most about it

But in those rare times that we can't agree on a decision (or work out who SHOULD have the final say) - we just don't make a decision. Not until we are both in agreement; and would agree with that decision even if the other person wasn't involved in the discussion. It's very rare that we don't agree quickly - but thus far, this approach (not deciding until we both agree the same way) works wonderfully.

We did try the whole 'man is the leader of the house' idea when we first got married. Simply because we were told that was what we should do, if we wanted a Godly household. It didn't go so well. In fact, it nearly destroyed our relationship.

So now, we just do things according to our personalities and interests and what each other is good at. Irrespective of our gender. And it works fantastically.

*****

And then you get to what girls usually talk about. I'll admit - most of these conversations make me want to tear my hair out! It's always been like this. I remember at school writing in my diary how inane girl conversations were and how much I wish I could hang out with the boys more.

I relate much better to guys. I love talking about technology and trucks and combat strategy and 'changing the world'. And guys debate SO much better! You can rip each other's arguments to shreds, and still walk away good friends. With girls, that can be really difficult.

And I don't get the giggling about sex and periods and those other taboo topics. It's probably because of my job - I talk about sex and reproduction all day EVERY day, that it's almost second nature. Sadly, I've gotten into trouble over this more than once. When I hear girls groups talk about sex and the menstrual cycle, I often have to excuse myself cos I just can't deal with the giggling and blushing and stammering! It really annoys me.

*****

And then we get to the clothing.

I hate most girls fashion and makeup. It just seems like SUCH a waste of time! I could spend an hour in the bathroom - if I wanted to torture myself *grin*,

But when I 'go girly' - I go WEIRD girly. Like the full on corset and velvet skirt and punk-style knee high boots. And the makeup - blood red lips; jet black eye makeup and very burlesque/goth.

*****

And the hair. I hate long hair. I hate styling my hair. Just brush it and get on with it.

But, If I'm going to 'do' my hair - it's going to look like a pixie and either be red-purple or black-blue. Something decidedly 'ungirly'.

*****

I remember growing up feeling like God had put me in the wrong body. That I was supposed to be a boy. Especially when I started reading books about what women wanted, what boys wanted, and what a Godly wife looked like. I really struggled with this. Especially as everything they said a man would want/like/need was what I wanted/liked/needed. It was so strange!

It took me a while to get over that. I had to get to know a whole different group of men and women to see that I wasn't alone, and that there was nothing unGodly about the way I carried out my life. That I wasn't *wrong* simply because I didn't enjoy the things girls were *supposed* to

I'm a lot more confident now. I still have to be careful not to be so worried about what others will think. And I am learning to speak up if I disagree with a stereotype.

I still freak people out. I think a lot of people see that I don't fit the 'box' all that well and due to teachings and upbringing think I must be waylaid somehow.

Rest assured I'm not. I'm just different. God made me very different to most girls! It's pretty cool actually.

I think being like this helps me reach out to girls who feel a bit 'different'. Who wonder if their thoughts and emotions and desires are 'wrong' simply because they are usually prescribed to the men of our world. There's a lot of girls struggling out there because of these stereotypes. Especially in the Church. I wish I could tell them all that it's okay not to fit a stereotype. Hopefully they will get to know people who can share this with them in a way that makes sense.

I'm not about to change. Let's rip the box apart, shall we? HEE HEE!