Today was not the best of days, work-wise. As much as I love my job, and see a lot of happiness courtesy of it - we also see the blackest of days for people.
Stillbirths. Miscarriages. Terminations for medical reasons. Diagnoses of cancer. Recurrence of Cancer. Inoperable tumours. It can be a pretty horrible place sometimes.
Today involved more than one of the above, leaving more than a few of us particularly tender and aware of how quickly a life can be taken and a world can be shattered.
This clip is for two patients of mine who have suffered more than I would want anyone to suffer. There's really nothing you can say, is there?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Something new and different for us!
I will take no credit for the following.
Some of you might know a friend of mine who also blogs - Nomesque. She's much funnier on her blog, and much more talented with her musings. I highly recommend you go check her out if you haven't before.
Anyway, on Mondays she posts a music video to get everyone happy and upbeat for the week.
So as I'm listening away to some of my favourites, I took some inspiration from Nome and decided I'd spend a week posting Youtube clips of songs that are a) my favourites and b) match up with the day I had.
If this takes off - we all better watch out.
So here's Tuesday in review.
(now if only I had legs like hers).
Some of you might know a friend of mine who also blogs - Nomesque. She's much funnier on her blog, and much more talented with her musings. I highly recommend you go check her out if you haven't before.
Anyway, on Mondays she posts a music video to get everyone happy and upbeat for the week.
So as I'm listening away to some of my favourites, I took some inspiration from Nome and decided I'd spend a week posting Youtube clips of songs that are a) my favourites and b) match up with the day I had.
If this takes off - we all better watch out.
So here's Tuesday in review.
(now if only I had legs like hers).
Thursday, July 10, 2008
How to tell an infertile woman about your pregnancy
I recently read an article about how to tell someone struggling to fall pregnant that you're pregnant. It was exceptionally funny, yet heartbreakingly honest at the same time.
Due to issues of copyright, worries about language and not being ENTIRELY relevant to me, I'm not going to post that article. However it did make me think about my own feelings, and how I'd want someone to treat me, after announcing their pregnancy. And it also made me think of how some of my friends struggling with LONG TERM trying to conceive and/or utilising Artificial Reproductive Techonologies feel about certain comments, suggestions and reactions.
* Please don't downplay your pregnancy. I AM happy for you. In some cases, absolutely thrilled. Please be genuine and be happy and not think you have to be solemn about it, in front of me.
* Please be sensitive. You may see a flicker of pain go across my face - don't feel guilty. Just know that I am wishing for the billionth time that it was me, and that it does hurt sometimes, knowing that someone else has got what I want more than anything.
* Please give me some space for a bit. Yes, I probably will go home and cry for a bit. Yes, it might take a little bit for me to be happy for you. Trust me - I feel as bad about my reaction as you probably feel about the fact I'm not pregnant yet.
* Sometimes, telling me 'how' things happened, really hurts. I don't need to hear that you weren't trying, or that it happened when you were on birth control, or that it was your second/third cycle. I know second or third cycle may have felt like ages for you - but I'd give anything to have fallen that quickly.
* Please don't send on platitudes like 'it'll be your turn next' or 'you've got plenty of time'. Whilst it makes sense to try and reassure someone that they haven't run out of time - it's not always the case. Some of us struggle with real issues like needing IVF, or going through early menopause - and those wellwishes often end up being anything but. Just quietly - some days I might want to smack you into next week with a comment like that. I won't do it - but I will think it at least once.
* Please be gentle with your advice. Some of us HAVE tried to relax, try every second day, measure our temps and cervical mucous and cervical position and have thousands of Ovulation Prediction Tests at our disposal. We know about having men wear boxers, and lying down for 30 minutes afterwards, and trying not to think about it. We know all about the diet recommendations, and have avoided alcohol/caffeine/sugar/brie/deli meats/salad bars. Some of us have tried both Western and Eastern medicine to help. We've heard all the stories of people who went to a fertility specialist and were all ready pregnant at that point. We know all about the woman who was on the adoption list, and then miraculously fell pregnant.
* Thoughts like 'it's in the universe's hands' or 'God is in control', whilst often exceptionally true, don't often act like a salve to our battered hearts and emotions. Many of us have lain prone on the floor for hours, crying out to God to ask Him what He wants from us. A lot of us have our faith and hold onto it daily - but we still hurt. We still cry. We still think it unfair. We still ask God why the child abuser could fall pregnant, and we can't. Why we are going through this. Most of us still don't have an answer.
* Please don't think I've lost my faith or don't believe God can do miracles. We haven't, and we do. We just know that everytime we see a negative test result, or get another month of bleeding, or have to fork out another four figured sum to try another implantation - it hurts.
This piece isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to let me get away with a pity party. It's just I know a lot of women on both sides of the fence (facing difficult reproduction issues/not knowing what to say to someone who has those issues), and thought this post might help both sides.
Sending lots of hugs to all my beautiful girlfriends on both sides of the issue. God bless you all, and I pray for a miracle to all my LTTTCers, ARTers and everyone who is faced with the struggle of infertility, miscarriage and bodies which just don't act like they are supposed to.
(((hug)))
Due to issues of copyright, worries about language and not being ENTIRELY relevant to me, I'm not going to post that article. However it did make me think about my own feelings, and how I'd want someone to treat me, after announcing their pregnancy. And it also made me think of how some of my friends struggling with LONG TERM trying to conceive and/or utilising Artificial Reproductive Techonologies feel about certain comments, suggestions and reactions.
* Please don't downplay your pregnancy. I AM happy for you. In some cases, absolutely thrilled. Please be genuine and be happy and not think you have to be solemn about it, in front of me.
* Please be sensitive. You may see a flicker of pain go across my face - don't feel guilty. Just know that I am wishing for the billionth time that it was me, and that it does hurt sometimes, knowing that someone else has got what I want more than anything.
* Please give me some space for a bit. Yes, I probably will go home and cry for a bit. Yes, it might take a little bit for me to be happy for you. Trust me - I feel as bad about my reaction as you probably feel about the fact I'm not pregnant yet.
* Sometimes, telling me 'how' things happened, really hurts. I don't need to hear that you weren't trying, or that it happened when you were on birth control, or that it was your second/third cycle. I know second or third cycle may have felt like ages for you - but I'd give anything to have fallen that quickly.
* Please don't send on platitudes like 'it'll be your turn next' or 'you've got plenty of time'. Whilst it makes sense to try and reassure someone that they haven't run out of time - it's not always the case. Some of us struggle with real issues like needing IVF, or going through early menopause - and those wellwishes often end up being anything but. Just quietly - some days I might want to smack you into next week with a comment like that. I won't do it - but I will think it at least once.
* Please be gentle with your advice. Some of us HAVE tried to relax, try every second day, measure our temps and cervical mucous and cervical position and have thousands of Ovulation Prediction Tests at our disposal. We know about having men wear boxers, and lying down for 30 minutes afterwards, and trying not to think about it. We know all about the diet recommendations, and have avoided alcohol/caffeine/sugar/brie/deli meats/salad bars. Some of us have tried both Western and Eastern medicine to help. We've heard all the stories of people who went to a fertility specialist and were all ready pregnant at that point. We know all about the woman who was on the adoption list, and then miraculously fell pregnant.
* Thoughts like 'it's in the universe's hands' or 'God is in control', whilst often exceptionally true, don't often act like a salve to our battered hearts and emotions. Many of us have lain prone on the floor for hours, crying out to God to ask Him what He wants from us. A lot of us have our faith and hold onto it daily - but we still hurt. We still cry. We still think it unfair. We still ask God why the child abuser could fall pregnant, and we can't. Why we are going through this. Most of us still don't have an answer.
* Please don't think I've lost my faith or don't believe God can do miracles. We haven't, and we do. We just know that everytime we see a negative test result, or get another month of bleeding, or have to fork out another four figured sum to try another implantation - it hurts.
This piece isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to let me get away with a pity party. It's just I know a lot of women on both sides of the fence (facing difficult reproduction issues/not knowing what to say to someone who has those issues), and thought this post might help both sides.
Sending lots of hugs to all my beautiful girlfriends on both sides of the issue. God bless you all, and I pray for a miracle to all my LTTTCers, ARTers and everyone who is faced with the struggle of infertility, miscarriage and bodies which just don't act like they are supposed to.
(((hug)))
World Youth Day
Although not a Catholic (well, some may beg to differ - depending on the definition you use, and how important a Christening is... :D ), I have great respect for some beautiful Catholics I know in my daily life.
Anyway, next week is the World Youth Day festival in Sydney, where Catholic pilgrims from all over Australia and the World come to celebrate their faith and relationship with God. The Pope is also over for the festivities, so it's a rather large event.
I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree with the Catholic faith, or have issues with tax expenditure or new legislation being set up for the event, but this post is not about that.
I met a lovely group of Pilgrims from the USA last night in Macdonalds of all places! We live quite close to a large Catholic high school, and these Pilgrims are being billeted there until next Monday.
It was so nice to sit with them, talk about their time here, welcome them to our country and hear their stories of how they came to celebrate WYD in Australia.
So if you happen to run into a Pilgrim during the next week (they aren't that hard to miss!), stop and say hello for a second.
Welcome them to Australia and wish them a lovely time during their stay. Who knows - you might just find a great friend amongst them!
Anyway, next week is the World Youth Day festival in Sydney, where Catholic pilgrims from all over Australia and the World come to celebrate their faith and relationship with God. The Pope is also over for the festivities, so it's a rather large event.
I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree with the Catholic faith, or have issues with tax expenditure or new legislation being set up for the event, but this post is not about that.
I met a lovely group of Pilgrims from the USA last night in Macdonalds of all places! We live quite close to a large Catholic high school, and these Pilgrims are being billeted there until next Monday.
It was so nice to sit with them, talk about their time here, welcome them to our country and hear their stories of how they came to celebrate WYD in Australia.
So if you happen to run into a Pilgrim during the next week (they aren't that hard to miss!), stop and say hello for a second.
Welcome them to Australia and wish them a lovely time during their stay. Who knows - you might just find a great friend amongst them!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
FINALLY!
I get to talk about Rwanda at Church tomorrow! (Insert happy dance here).
Without saying too much - I have been dying to talk about Rwanda on a more 'formal' platform. Not to show how great I am going off 'saving the world' (pfft, I'm not QUITE that glassy eyed!) - but more because it's become such a passion of mine, and I've wanted to share it with people. It has been very hard watching other team members get the opportunity, and not be able to do it myself. I've had to watch the 'green eyed monster' more than I like to admit.
Our Church has it's Self Denial Appeal running at the moment. In a nutshell - each year the Salvos highlight a mission of some description, and encourage members to donate to it. The 'self-denial' part is to try and give one week's salary. We don't (with a mortgage, that's impossible!); but we give substantially to it.
Anyway, our Church is having people who are involved with missions come up and talk about the way they've been involved - and how those ministries survive on donations such as those made during Self Denial.
And yesterday I got asked to do this Sundays. It's only two minutes, and it's focussed around SDA - but it's something.
This is going to be interesting. I'm going straight to Church after night duty - so let's all pray I am coherent enough to make sense.
I'm going to spend most of the time talking about Muhunga (the new outpost that is thriving) and the Kigali preschool (impacting the entire community, despite its many limitations).
This is such a massive opportunity for me. There's SO much going on at our Church, that 'stage time' is considered very precious, and it's not often opened up for things like this. So to be asked to share my experience is like WOW!
I'm so excited. LOL!
Without saying too much - I have been dying to talk about Rwanda on a more 'formal' platform. Not to show how great I am going off 'saving the world' (pfft, I'm not QUITE that glassy eyed!) - but more because it's become such a passion of mine, and I've wanted to share it with people. It has been very hard watching other team members get the opportunity, and not be able to do it myself. I've had to watch the 'green eyed monster' more than I like to admit.
Our Church has it's Self Denial Appeal running at the moment. In a nutshell - each year the Salvos highlight a mission of some description, and encourage members to donate to it. The 'self-denial' part is to try and give one week's salary. We don't (with a mortgage, that's impossible!); but we give substantially to it.
Anyway, our Church is having people who are involved with missions come up and talk about the way they've been involved - and how those ministries survive on donations such as those made during Self Denial.
And yesterday I got asked to do this Sundays. It's only two minutes, and it's focussed around SDA - but it's something.
This is going to be interesting. I'm going straight to Church after night duty - so let's all pray I am coherent enough to make sense.
I'm going to spend most of the time talking about Muhunga (the new outpost that is thriving) and the Kigali preschool (impacting the entire community, despite its many limitations).
This is such a massive opportunity for me. There's SO much going on at our Church, that 'stage time' is considered very precious, and it's not often opened up for things like this. So to be asked to share my experience is like WOW!
I'm so excited. LOL!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Back at home
I must admit that it's been a challenge to be back at home. Don't get me wrong, I love the perks of being in a first world nation, it's been great to see family (including those of the 4 legged variety) and AWESOME to be back with Brad; but there has been a lot of challenges at the same time.
I miss Rwanda
I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.
I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.
I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.
I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.
This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.
I'm lonely
As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.
Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.
It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.
Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.
I miss Rwanda
I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.
I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.
I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.
I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.
This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.
I'm lonely
As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.
Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.
It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.
Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
