Back at home

I must admit that it's been a challenge to be back at home. Don't get me wrong, I love the perks of being in a first world nation, it's been great to see family (including those of the 4 legged variety) and AWESOME to be back with Brad; but there has been a lot of challenges at the same time.

I miss Rwanda

I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.

I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.

I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.

I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.

This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.

I'm lonely

As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.

Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.

It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.

Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.


So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.