I recently read an article about how to tell someone struggling to fall pregnant that you're pregnant. It was exceptionally funny, yet heartbreakingly honest at the same time.
Due to issues of copyright, worries about language and not being ENTIRELY relevant to me, I'm not going to post that article. However it did make me think about my own feelings, and how I'd want someone to treat me, after announcing their pregnancy. And it also made me think of how some of my friends struggling with LONG TERM trying to conceive and/or utilising Artificial Reproductive Techonologies feel about certain comments, suggestions and reactions.
* Please don't downplay your pregnancy. I AM happy for you. In some cases, absolutely thrilled. Please be genuine and be happy and not think you have to be solemn about it, in front of me.
* Please be sensitive. You may see a flicker of pain go across my face - don't feel guilty. Just know that I am wishing for the billionth time that it was me, and that it does hurt sometimes, knowing that someone else has got what I want more than anything.
* Please give me some space for a bit. Yes, I probably will go home and cry for a bit. Yes, it might take a little bit for me to be happy for you. Trust me - I feel as bad about my reaction as you probably feel about the fact I'm not pregnant yet.
* Sometimes, telling me 'how' things happened, really hurts. I don't need to hear that you weren't trying, or that it happened when you were on birth control, or that it was your second/third cycle. I know second or third cycle may have felt like ages for you - but I'd give anything to have fallen that quickly.
* Please don't send on platitudes like 'it'll be your turn next' or 'you've got plenty of time'. Whilst it makes sense to try and reassure someone that they haven't run out of time - it's not always the case. Some of us struggle with real issues like needing IVF, or going through early menopause - and those wellwishes often end up being anything but. Just quietly - some days I might want to smack you into next week with a comment like that. I won't do it - but I will think it at least once.
* Please be gentle with your advice. Some of us HAVE tried to relax, try every second day, measure our temps and cervical mucous and cervical position and have thousands of Ovulation Prediction Tests at our disposal. We know about having men wear boxers, and lying down for 30 minutes afterwards, and trying not to think about it. We know all about the diet recommendations, and have avoided alcohol/caffeine/sugar/brie/deli meats/salad bars. Some of us have tried both Western and Eastern medicine to help. We've heard all the stories of people who went to a fertility specialist and were all ready pregnant at that point. We know all about the woman who was on the adoption list, and then miraculously fell pregnant.
* Thoughts like 'it's in the universe's hands' or 'God is in control', whilst often exceptionally true, don't often act like a salve to our battered hearts and emotions. Many of us have lain prone on the floor for hours, crying out to God to ask Him what He wants from us. A lot of us have our faith and hold onto it daily - but we still hurt. We still cry. We still think it unfair. We still ask God why the child abuser could fall pregnant, and we can't. Why we are going through this. Most of us still don't have an answer.
* Please don't think I've lost my faith or don't believe God can do miracles. We haven't, and we do. We just know that everytime we see a negative test result, or get another month of bleeding, or have to fork out another four figured sum to try another implantation - it hurts.
This piece isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to let me get away with a pity party. It's just I know a lot of women on both sides of the fence (facing difficult reproduction issues/not knowing what to say to someone who has those issues), and thought this post might help both sides.
Sending lots of hugs to all my beautiful girlfriends on both sides of the issue. God bless you all, and I pray for a miracle to all my LTTTCers, ARTers and everyone who is faced with the struggle of infertility, miscarriage and bodies which just don't act like they are supposed to.
(((hug)))
Thursday, July 10, 2008
World Youth Day
Although not a Catholic (well, some may beg to differ - depending on the definition you use, and how important a Christening is... :D ), I have great respect for some beautiful Catholics I know in my daily life.
Anyway, next week is the World Youth Day festival in Sydney, where Catholic pilgrims from all over Australia and the World come to celebrate their faith and relationship with God. The Pope is also over for the festivities, so it's a rather large event.
I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree with the Catholic faith, or have issues with tax expenditure or new legislation being set up for the event, but this post is not about that.
I met a lovely group of Pilgrims from the USA last night in Macdonalds of all places! We live quite close to a large Catholic high school, and these Pilgrims are being billeted there until next Monday.
It was so nice to sit with them, talk about their time here, welcome them to our country and hear their stories of how they came to celebrate WYD in Australia.
So if you happen to run into a Pilgrim during the next week (they aren't that hard to miss!), stop and say hello for a second.
Welcome them to Australia and wish them a lovely time during their stay. Who knows - you might just find a great friend amongst them!
Anyway, next week is the World Youth Day festival in Sydney, where Catholic pilgrims from all over Australia and the World come to celebrate their faith and relationship with God. The Pope is also over for the festivities, so it's a rather large event.
I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree with the Catholic faith, or have issues with tax expenditure or new legislation being set up for the event, but this post is not about that.
I met a lovely group of Pilgrims from the USA last night in Macdonalds of all places! We live quite close to a large Catholic high school, and these Pilgrims are being billeted there until next Monday.
It was so nice to sit with them, talk about their time here, welcome them to our country and hear their stories of how they came to celebrate WYD in Australia.
So if you happen to run into a Pilgrim during the next week (they aren't that hard to miss!), stop and say hello for a second.
Welcome them to Australia and wish them a lovely time during their stay. Who knows - you might just find a great friend amongst them!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
FINALLY!
I get to talk about Rwanda at Church tomorrow! (Insert happy dance here).
Without saying too much - I have been dying to talk about Rwanda on a more 'formal' platform. Not to show how great I am going off 'saving the world' (pfft, I'm not QUITE that glassy eyed!) - but more because it's become such a passion of mine, and I've wanted to share it with people. It has been very hard watching other team members get the opportunity, and not be able to do it myself. I've had to watch the 'green eyed monster' more than I like to admit.
Our Church has it's Self Denial Appeal running at the moment. In a nutshell - each year the Salvos highlight a mission of some description, and encourage members to donate to it. The 'self-denial' part is to try and give one week's salary. We don't (with a mortgage, that's impossible!); but we give substantially to it.
Anyway, our Church is having people who are involved with missions come up and talk about the way they've been involved - and how those ministries survive on donations such as those made during Self Denial.
And yesterday I got asked to do this Sundays. It's only two minutes, and it's focussed around SDA - but it's something.
This is going to be interesting. I'm going straight to Church after night duty - so let's all pray I am coherent enough to make sense.
I'm going to spend most of the time talking about Muhunga (the new outpost that is thriving) and the Kigali preschool (impacting the entire community, despite its many limitations).
This is such a massive opportunity for me. There's SO much going on at our Church, that 'stage time' is considered very precious, and it's not often opened up for things like this. So to be asked to share my experience is like WOW!
I'm so excited. LOL!
Without saying too much - I have been dying to talk about Rwanda on a more 'formal' platform. Not to show how great I am going off 'saving the world' (pfft, I'm not QUITE that glassy eyed!) - but more because it's become such a passion of mine, and I've wanted to share it with people. It has been very hard watching other team members get the opportunity, and not be able to do it myself. I've had to watch the 'green eyed monster' more than I like to admit.
Our Church has it's Self Denial Appeal running at the moment. In a nutshell - each year the Salvos highlight a mission of some description, and encourage members to donate to it. The 'self-denial' part is to try and give one week's salary. We don't (with a mortgage, that's impossible!); but we give substantially to it.
Anyway, our Church is having people who are involved with missions come up and talk about the way they've been involved - and how those ministries survive on donations such as those made during Self Denial.
And yesterday I got asked to do this Sundays. It's only two minutes, and it's focussed around SDA - but it's something.
This is going to be interesting. I'm going straight to Church after night duty - so let's all pray I am coherent enough to make sense.
I'm going to spend most of the time talking about Muhunga (the new outpost that is thriving) and the Kigali preschool (impacting the entire community, despite its many limitations).
This is such a massive opportunity for me. There's SO much going on at our Church, that 'stage time' is considered very precious, and it's not often opened up for things like this. So to be asked to share my experience is like WOW!
I'm so excited. LOL!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Back at home
I must admit that it's been a challenge to be back at home. Don't get me wrong, I love the perks of being in a first world nation, it's been great to see family (including those of the 4 legged variety) and AWESOME to be back with Brad; but there has been a lot of challenges at the same time.
I miss Rwanda
I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.
I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.
I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.
I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.
This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.
I'm lonely
As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.
Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.
It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.
Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.
I miss Rwanda
I didn't really say it in the journals I wrote whilst I was away, but Rwanda grabbed my heart more than I ever expected. I knew it would (I'd been impacted enough by the reading I've done for the past 3 years to know it would), but not to this extent. There's so much I want to do there, so much that I feel I'm supposed to do there, so much that shows me it could well be 'home' - that I am finding it quite difficult knowing that I can't go back just yet.
I cry every time I look at my photos, and I never do that. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm crying until Brad comes in wondering if I'm okay. There's a huge ache going on inside me to the extent that I shy away from talking about it, just in case I can't keep it together.
I miss the people I met over there. Major Stephen and Major Grace; Captain Emmanuel and Captain Dancille; Major Daniel and Major Archette are the ones that stick out the most. And then there's the feet first delegates such as Sapphira and Rosemary and Chris. They all touched my heart so much with their grace, friendship and generosity, and I find it very hard being so far away from them.
I even miss the environment! I miss looking out on what is, quite literally, thousands of hills and the villages scattered about.
This place has gotten into my blood, and I simply can't shake it.
I'm lonely
As hard as I found it somedays to always be part of a team, and not having the private times I so desperately crave in my life; I really miss the constant companionship I had in Rwanda.
Our team was simply awesome, and it's very strange to wake up and not have Damien talking 'Bubba Gump' speak in one ear; and Nickey writing down all the Kinyarwandan she can; and Clint being all 'fecused' towards all of us. Not to mention Sharon journalling; and Liza's 'do you know what I mean's following me around; Simon's quite reflections; Kirsten's (Christina's) gentle words of encouragement and Paul's general sense of direction in all we were doing.
It's been oh so quiet the past week, and it's amazed me how much it's bothered me. The only people I've seen or talked to are my parents and Brad - and although it's been awesome, I feel very lonely. I long to be asked out for coffee to talk about things, or just the simplest of phonecalls from friends, just seeing how I'm getting on. Simeon (another Project 1:8 leader) rang me as a follow up on Wednesday and I almost cried with relief to have someone to talk to about it. Poor Brad has to sit here and listen to me yabber on about it (not to mention blubber all over him about it!), whilst all the while I'm trying to be quiet so I don't overwhelm him. Thank God I get to go to Church tomorrow and work on Tuesday so I have people to socialise with. Being cooped up in the house is driving me the slightest bit insane.
Who knew the introvert might actually CRAVE company for once! It makes me laugh just thinking about it.
So yeah, that's my week. So much happens in three weeks and it's hard to put it into some first world context.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Journal entries for Rwanda
As promised, here are the journal entries for Rwanda. These are in order, but cover a number of days at a time.
Enjoy!
*****
10 Jan 2008
Hello from Rwanda!
Well now I get to send my own email, and I’m really excited. It’s nice to be able to send you a more personalized note, letting you know how I’m getting on as part of the Project 1:8 Rwanda team.
As most of you know – I didn’t arrive on the day that was expected (Friday). Our flight out from Brisbane had mechanical problems in Cairns, so arrived 2 hours late to pick us up. We arrived in Hong Kong to find our flight gone. The people at Cathay Pacific were lovely though, and got us on a flight to Frankfurt, Germany. 3 hours there, then on to Ethiopia (via Sudan) and we stayed the night. God blessed us and for $20USD we got transfers to a hotel, accommodation for a night, and breakfast, as well as transfers back to the airport.
Sat morning at the Ethiopian airport there were many dramas, and they almost didn’t let us on the flight (they didn’t like the delay/reroute pass Cathay gave us), but at the last minute the gate opened for us. So we got to Rwanda at about 1pm Rwandan time. And everyone was VERY relieved to see us! Poor Paul's phone hadn't worked, and we didn't get the new number until the morning in Ethiopia (Saturday), so he had NO idea where we were!
We got to see the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre, which was heartbreaking and amazing at the same time. So much pain in this country, yet the reconciliation projects have been awesome in bringing the whole country back together. You’d never know on the streets how bad it was, 14 years ago.
The people here are beautiful. We have learnt lots of Kinyarwandan, and I also get to speak a lot of French, which I love. They speak Kinyarwandan, French and a little bit of English (the government wants everyone to be fluent in English). Apparently my French is very good, so they speak a million miles an hour to me, and I have to slow them down all the time until I pick up all the words!
We love the Feet First conference. Everyone is so willing to learn, be taught and also share with us their experiences at their own corps. We have 21 delegates, from all over Rwanda, and it’s just been awesome to spend time with them. Every day we go to the Church (Corps) @ 7am, and don't leave til about 10pm. Except tonight - it's about 7:45pm Rwandan time as I send this. We got a free night, which we REALLY needed!!!
Every afternoon at 5pm we run a Kids Club for the kids in the community near the Church hall (corps) with the delegates. So far it’s going very well, and the kids all love us. They all want to hold the Mzungu’s (white person’s hand), so it’s hard when there’s so many of them, and so few of us (with only two hands too!). Somehow we understand each other, and there are lots of cuddles, tickles, chasings and singing.
Our rooms at the Red Cross Guest House are awesome. We’ve had hot showers with good pressure almost all the time (last night we had good pressure, but only cold water), and electricity. We feel very blessed! I share a room with one of the other girls on the team, and we get on really well.
The food has been excellent as well. Lots of vegetables, chicken, mince, beans, peas, potatoes for lunch/dinner (we also usually get bread at lunch for sandwiches), and hard boiled eggs. Breakfast is usually bread, and occasionally we get boiled eggs or omelettes. And there is LOADS of tea to drink! Sometimes we get coke/fanta as well, so we’re very spoilt.
As a team, we get on famously. Lots of laughs, but also great encouragement and support from everyone. We’ve been really well most of the time – only a couple of sore tummies and sore feet (I haven’t had anything bad). My sunscreen and mosquito repellant is working well – no bites or burns yet.
We get free time on Friday, and we have to go renew our visas, as they only last 2 weeks (and the second week we won’t be in Kigali to do it). Saturday morning is also free – so I might get more phone credit and email chances then. We’re also going to go to the Hotel des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial on one of these days. I’ve been told that my sms seems to work (my phone doesn’t like calling out though!), so hopefully I can send some on.
Saturday afternoon we go to a rural corps – Kyenzi, about 50km away (1 hr drive). It is very primitive – no running water, no electricity, sleeping on the Church floor, etc. We are excited about it – we feel a bit ‘alien’ so far, with all the creature comforts we’ve received.
We will go to the next rural Corps (Muhunga – also called Gitarama) on the Thursday, and we stay in a hotel there (albeit very basic from what we’ve heard). But it will mean electricity, hot water, and running water again!
It is such a blessing to have you all praying and thinking of me during this time. I love Rwanda, and I feel humbled that I am here serving God. It feels like I’ve come home, and I hope I can come back one day.
God bless you all, and I will write again when I can.
*****
12 Jan 2008
Today is our last day in Kigali (it’s pronounced ‘Shi-gali’) before heading out to Kyensie. It’s about 1:30pm here, it takes just over an hour to get to Kyensie, and we will be there til Thursday morning.
The rest of Feet First was amazing. We made such great relationships with all our delegates – it was a very special time. On the last night we had an ‘Acts 1:8’ night, which was a commissioning of sorts, releasing them in the Holy Spirit to be equipped to serve as God would have them, back in their Corps (Church). The last morning we washed their feet, which was very alien to them, to be served by white people. All of them have said how much they enjoyed being with us, and learning what they did.
I have a Kinyarwandan name now – it is Umufasha, which means helper. They were finding my name quite tricky to pronounce, so as Sascha means helper of mankind, I wanted to have the word for ‘helper’ in their language. So I’m using it all the time now.
We are all very healthy and happy, and loving our time over here. As I said in my last email, it very much feels like I’ve come home in a way. I struggle sometimes with a western mindset, so to come to a country that seems to desire the same things I do – it touches my heart. I have been quite teary at some points over here, with the love, generosity and connection I’ve experienced from and with the people and culture here.
Kyensie will be quite interesting. There is no water in the village (it will be brought in by buckets every day), no heating, no electricity. And drop toilets (basically a cement floor with a hole in the middle). The drop toilet doesn’t bother me – more the issue with flies and the fact that they aren’t ‘great shots’ (if you know what I mean!). Sometimes it would be MUCH easier to be a boy in these countries. Like yesterday – I was in heaven as I finally got to wear jeans again (I’m over skirts – hate the things)! I was praising God the whole time!
But, I really do love it here. God is teaching me heaps and keeping me safe, and my heart is wide open.
Here are my prayer points for the next week.
Health and safety for Kyensie (especially with the risks in regards to water, mosquitos, hygiene and food).
Great connections with the people
Good sleep (we will be sleeping on mattresses in the church hall)
Ongoing cohesiveness with the team (we’ve been great thus far)
I’m doing devotions on Monday – pray for God to guide my words
As for communication, we expect it to be non-existent with the outside world. I am going to try my phone and see if I can get connected to Brad/Mum, but I doubt it.
Whilst we are there we are leading the service on Sunday, meeting the district leaders (Government), meeting with a school and a health care centre, running a kids club, and walking up a hill to see the view at one stage. Every night one of us is leading the devotions (as I said before).
On Thursday morning we will leave for Muhunga (some maps still refer to it at Gitarama). We will be staying in a hotel apparently during that visit, and it’s expected (from talking to the Salvo leaders here) that it will be quite modern, and actually nicer than the guesthouse we’ve been in, in Kigali.
We don’t know the plan for Muhunga yet – we probably won’t until we get there. We are there from Thursday til Monday – so we’ll be in the service Sunday morning (and Sunday school), but we don’t know anything else. We come back to Kigali on the Monday afternoon, so we will DEFINITELY be contactable again at that point, if it’s proved impossible in the other districts.
Well that’s all from me for now. I hope this finds you well, safe and happy. God bless you all, and I will be in contact again when I can.
*****
18 Jan 2008
Muraho from Muhunga!
Muraho! Umukuru? I'm great. Sorry if the spelling is wonky - this is a European keyboard and the keys are in all different spots! Very tricky for us touch typers!
Anyway (ahh we found a way to retrain the computer to read an English keyboard, even when you type on a European style keyboard - much quicker!), we are now in Muhunga, and it's about 8:45pm. We arrived here around 4pm this afternoon.
Our time in Kyenzi (Kinyarwandan spelling) was amazing. This little town right in the mountains, feeling like you're at the edge of civilisation - just... I can't even find the words. The captains at the Corps (Church) were so beautiful to us, I can't begin to tell you how much they served us. They have five children of their own, and are responsible for a very big district (from a Salvo perspective), yet they did SO much for us during our time with them above and beyond what was necessary.
We had bucket baths for 5 days (small bucket, two jugs of water - one hot, one cold, and 'top and tail' clean); a porcelain toilet that didn't flush (for number ones!); and a bunch of drop toilets exposed to all and sundry (a small half-building with no walls, dirt floor, and a hole in the middle) for your number twos. God was awesome and 'clogged' me the whole time, so I just dealt with the porcelain. Sorry if this is too much information - trust me when I say it has been the MAIN conversation topic for the past 5 days between the team, so nothing is sacred any more!
I should add that I didn't wash my hair for 5 days (none of the girls did), so all of a sudden the ability to hide as much of my hair as possible was quite the necessity!
There was no electricity, so we spent our nights playing cards as a group by the light of candles. Very intimate - but also loads of fun to just spend that time together.
As for 'work' - this wasn't as busy as last week. I'll do a quick run down.
Saturday night - arrived at about 4pm to children singing to us in welcome. Just amazed by all the muzungus running around. Dinner with the captains, devotions, and then bed.
Sunday - Sunday school with about 30 kids at 8:30am for an hour (bible story, game and songs). Church at 10 til about 12 noon (Sharon from our team lead the service). We were each made a gift to take home with us. Kids club in the afternoon with about 120 kids for an hour (games and songs).
Monday - Went to a school and a health care clinic. The health care clinic was AWESOME - nutrition, triage, HIV/AIDS and a maternity wing. The maternity wing is run by a Spanish Nurse Midwife who has been there for about 30 years. She is just awesome. I would love to have had more time here. They do an amazing work. This was the night we began having card games together, and it has been some of the funniest times we've had all trip.
Tuesday - Home League (Women's Bible Study) in the morning. Were able to experience some traditional dance, which was so great to watch. Also were able to purchase some crafts and handiworks to take home. In the afternoon we climbed this mountain - the girls IN SKIRTS. It was SO hard doing it, but so worth it when we got to the top - amazing views of one of the rivers that lead into the nile, heaps of mountains, and also got to spend time with villagers who live up there. Took lots of photos.
Wednesday - went to a nearby Corps (Church) outpost in Bitare. Another climb (not as strenuous) to an ancient burial ground behind the corps, which had these massive outcroppings of limestone rock. Again an awesome view. In the afternoon had an Officers Meeting (Ordained Ministers) meeting back in Kyenzi, which was another bible study-type event, but with q&a time with us about Australia.
Thursday - Visited the preschool on the Corps grounds in the morning, and then left for Muhunga in the afternoon.
I should also add that we were very blessed at the Corps - we were expecting to all sleep on the floor of the Church, but they had small rooms (girls were 2 to a room, boys all shared together in a room, Paul & Kirsten had their own room at the Corps Officers house) for us, inclusive of proper beds, bedding and privacy.
It became very difficult during this time to deal with the 'celebrity' status we had. Although the kids were awesome, it was very hard to always come out to stacks of kids at your doorstep at all hours of the day and night. It was sweet, and we were always gracious, but sometimes you just long for your own space, away from being prodded and laughed at (because you look so weird to everyone else), and people hanging off your windows desperate to see you at any opportunity.
The kids however are awesome. We got stacks of cuddles from the preschoolers on the Corps campus, and they always had a smile for us. Some of those memories will last me a lifetime.
We all shared our testimony during this time as well, and it really bonded us. Some of us shed lots of tears and were very 'tender' during this time, so it was great to be able to lean on one another to get through it.
So that was Kyenzi. Very special, very unique, loads of fun, but also very stretching for all of us.
And today we arrived in Muhunga, having NO idea what to expect. And can I just say that we are SOOOOO blessed.
We each have our own private room with ensuite; mosquito nets, heating, and flushable toilets and working showers! The hot water doesn't last for too long, but we aren't complaining. I was like a kid at Christmas being able to wash my hair again and soak in a hot shower. Not to mention having my own space again - that's indescribable right now! You really beging to treasure those little things in places like this.
Muhunga is a fairly large town - not quite as big as Kigali, but has all the mod cons like electricity, heating and internet, as well as supermarkets and petrol stations (none of which Kyenzi had). It's almost like reappearing on eath, in some ways.
Our schedule for the next few days goes like this.
Today (Thursday): Free time. Did washing, internet, had dinner, sleep.
Friday: Visitation time with Corps in morning, nothing in afternoon/night.
Saturday: Visitation time with Corps (around Muhunga) in morning, Kids Club in the afternoon. Nothing at night.
Sunday: Church in the morning. Nothing in afternoon/night.
Monday: Leave around 10am for Kigali. Day one of debrief.
There's no pressing needs prayer-wise for this time in Muhunga. I guess the one selfish thing is we would all like steady hot water and good sleeps, but that's not that urgent. On a 'work' side of things, please pray that we keep investing in those around us positively, always wait on God during this time, and that we still keep on building awesome relationships. We have thus far, and it's been amazing.
Some of you have asked the following, so I'll answer:
Are you doing any medical work? No, not really. We did get to visit a health clinic briefly, and we will see another during a Compassion Village (like World Vision) next Thursday; but I'm not 'working' per se - just observing. Pretty much all of our time has been mapped out by the Corps (Salvo Churches) we visit, so it involves a lot of 'meet and greets' with people attached to the Corps, or who are being impacted on by the Corps (children, women around the area, clinics/schools that have been set up, rehoming places, etc).
What has been the best thing I've done? This is such a hard question to answer. There has been so much. Things that stick out is some of the community 'walks' we've done - just going out into the village, shaking the villagers hands, saying hello to them and just seeing how they live has been such an amazing thing for me. The health clinic, even though our visit was short, sticks out as well.
What has been the hardest? Probably just waiting on God to tell me why I'm here. It was very clear that I had to come - but there's no long-term purpose that I can see right now. I feel this trip has set 'something' in motion, but I don't know what that 'something' is yet. I've been learning a lot of patience and just taking things 'day to day' (hard for someone who plans to the nth degree); and maybe that's the biggest thing I will take from this trip. I was really worried about this a few days into the trip - but now I just have faith God will show me what the 'big picture' is, when I am ready to know it.
Do I miss home? Yes and no. I have missed Brad, and there's loads I wish he could share with me, but I know this trip was for *me*, and for God to work in *me*. And it was probably a good time for Brad as well, back home, but in all honesty I don't really miss much about home, apart from Brad.
So there's my windup of the last 6 days. God bless you all, I hope you are well, and I will email again probably back in Kigali.
*****
23 Jan 2008
Muraho to all; apologies if there are spelling mistakes, again a french keyboard and some of the keys dont use the icons they say they do!
We have just said goodbye to 2 of our team as they begin their journey home. It is hard to believe that we are on the home stretch all ready; it feels like we only just started.
Muhunga was very different to what we expected. It is a new "outpost" (4 months old), yet it all ready has 50 regular attenders. There were quite a few more during the service we attended, probably due to us; but we hope and pray they continue to attend now, and that the Corps will flourish.
We came back to Kigali on Sunday afternoon instead of Monday morning, as it was easier for debrief to arrive earlier. Monday and Tuesday were mainly debriefing sessions (4 in total), as well as some shopping expeditions to purchase gifts and souvenirs, and seeing places of interest like Hotel Des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial (for the 10 UN peacekeepers murdered whilst protecting the Prime Minister). There is a touch of sadness as we do all this "final" stuff, as we know our farewells from this amazing land are not far off. We could not have imagined how much we fell in love with the people and the country here. There is so much peace, joy and love as we have experienced the Rwandaise people and environment, and we have been humbled by their sacrifice and service towards us.
There is lots for me to process as I return home. There is a clear calling for me to return here; however in what way, when and in what context is still to be revealed. This will probably be my last email from Rwanda; so please pray for the following:
* Home in one piece. No lost luggage, no breakages, no sudden detours to places like New York or London!
* A clear direction as to Brad's and my next step. This is for both of us and not just me. For a revelation as to what Rwanda means for the two of us. For clarity in my thoughts as I discuss my journey with Brad and for what that means for the future.
* To stay healthy. I have thus far and it needs to continue.
* For God to show me how best to share my experience with others (Church; family; friends; work).
Today we will do the last bits of shopping and finalise flights and whatnot. Tomorrow we spend the day at a Compassion project. Friday morning Paul and Kirsten leave; and the rest leave at 5pm (1am Saturday Brisbane time). Flights are via Ethiopia, Bangkok, Hong Kong & Cairns before arrival in Brisbane around lunch time on Sunday. Brad and I will be uncontactable for the next few days, but I will be in contact on the Thursday, most probably. I will be at Church on the next Sunday and would love to catch up with the NBCers at that point. Lunch or coffee would be a great way to connect!
Anyway, time to go again. Big hugs to all and next time we speak I'll be back in Oz. WOW!
*****
And that was my time in Rwanda! Hope you enjoyed the read, I will be posting debrief notes soon, with photos of my time away.
Enjoy!
*****
10 Jan 2008
Hello from Rwanda!
Well now I get to send my own email, and I’m really excited. It’s nice to be able to send you a more personalized note, letting you know how I’m getting on as part of the Project 1:8 Rwanda team.
As most of you know – I didn’t arrive on the day that was expected (Friday). Our flight out from Brisbane had mechanical problems in Cairns, so arrived 2 hours late to pick us up. We arrived in Hong Kong to find our flight gone. The people at Cathay Pacific were lovely though, and got us on a flight to Frankfurt, Germany. 3 hours there, then on to Ethiopia (via Sudan) and we stayed the night. God blessed us and for $20USD we got transfers to a hotel, accommodation for a night, and breakfast, as well as transfers back to the airport.
Sat morning at the Ethiopian airport there were many dramas, and they almost didn’t let us on the flight (they didn’t like the delay/reroute pass Cathay gave us), but at the last minute the gate opened for us. So we got to Rwanda at about 1pm Rwandan time. And everyone was VERY relieved to see us! Poor Paul's phone hadn't worked, and we didn't get the new number until the morning in Ethiopia (Saturday), so he had NO idea where we were!
We got to see the Kigali Genocide Memorial Centre, which was heartbreaking and amazing at the same time. So much pain in this country, yet the reconciliation projects have been awesome in bringing the whole country back together. You’d never know on the streets how bad it was, 14 years ago.
The people here are beautiful. We have learnt lots of Kinyarwandan, and I also get to speak a lot of French, which I love. They speak Kinyarwandan, French and a little bit of English (the government wants everyone to be fluent in English). Apparently my French is very good, so they speak a million miles an hour to me, and I have to slow them down all the time until I pick up all the words!
We love the Feet First conference. Everyone is so willing to learn, be taught and also share with us their experiences at their own corps. We have 21 delegates, from all over Rwanda, and it’s just been awesome to spend time with them. Every day we go to the Church (Corps) @ 7am, and don't leave til about 10pm. Except tonight - it's about 7:45pm Rwandan time as I send this. We got a free night, which we REALLY needed!!!
Every afternoon at 5pm we run a Kids Club for the kids in the community near the Church hall (corps) with the delegates. So far it’s going very well, and the kids all love us. They all want to hold the Mzungu’s (white person’s hand), so it’s hard when there’s so many of them, and so few of us (with only two hands too!). Somehow we understand each other, and there are lots of cuddles, tickles, chasings and singing.
Our rooms at the Red Cross Guest House are awesome. We’ve had hot showers with good pressure almost all the time (last night we had good pressure, but only cold water), and electricity. We feel very blessed! I share a room with one of the other girls on the team, and we get on really well.
The food has been excellent as well. Lots of vegetables, chicken, mince, beans, peas, potatoes for lunch/dinner (we also usually get bread at lunch for sandwiches), and hard boiled eggs. Breakfast is usually bread, and occasionally we get boiled eggs or omelettes. And there is LOADS of tea to drink! Sometimes we get coke/fanta as well, so we’re very spoilt.
As a team, we get on famously. Lots of laughs, but also great encouragement and support from everyone. We’ve been really well most of the time – only a couple of sore tummies and sore feet (I haven’t had anything bad). My sunscreen and mosquito repellant is working well – no bites or burns yet.
We get free time on Friday, and we have to go renew our visas, as they only last 2 weeks (and the second week we won’t be in Kigali to do it). Saturday morning is also free – so I might get more phone credit and email chances then. We’re also going to go to the Hotel des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial on one of these days. I’ve been told that my sms seems to work (my phone doesn’t like calling out though!), so hopefully I can send some on.
Saturday afternoon we go to a rural corps – Kyenzi, about 50km away (1 hr drive). It is very primitive – no running water, no electricity, sleeping on the Church floor, etc. We are excited about it – we feel a bit ‘alien’ so far, with all the creature comforts we’ve received.
We will go to the next rural Corps (Muhunga – also called Gitarama) on the Thursday, and we stay in a hotel there (albeit very basic from what we’ve heard). But it will mean electricity, hot water, and running water again!
It is such a blessing to have you all praying and thinking of me during this time. I love Rwanda, and I feel humbled that I am here serving God. It feels like I’ve come home, and I hope I can come back one day.
God bless you all, and I will write again when I can.
*****
12 Jan 2008
Today is our last day in Kigali (it’s pronounced ‘Shi-gali’) before heading out to Kyensie. It’s about 1:30pm here, it takes just over an hour to get to Kyensie, and we will be there til Thursday morning.
The rest of Feet First was amazing. We made such great relationships with all our delegates – it was a very special time. On the last night we had an ‘Acts 1:8’ night, which was a commissioning of sorts, releasing them in the Holy Spirit to be equipped to serve as God would have them, back in their Corps (Church). The last morning we washed their feet, which was very alien to them, to be served by white people. All of them have said how much they enjoyed being with us, and learning what they did.
I have a Kinyarwandan name now – it is Umufasha, which means helper. They were finding my name quite tricky to pronounce, so as Sascha means helper of mankind, I wanted to have the word for ‘helper’ in their language. So I’m using it all the time now.
We are all very healthy and happy, and loving our time over here. As I said in my last email, it very much feels like I’ve come home in a way. I struggle sometimes with a western mindset, so to come to a country that seems to desire the same things I do – it touches my heart. I have been quite teary at some points over here, with the love, generosity and connection I’ve experienced from and with the people and culture here.
Kyensie will be quite interesting. There is no water in the village (it will be brought in by buckets every day), no heating, no electricity. And drop toilets (basically a cement floor with a hole in the middle). The drop toilet doesn’t bother me – more the issue with flies and the fact that they aren’t ‘great shots’ (if you know what I mean!). Sometimes it would be MUCH easier to be a boy in these countries. Like yesterday – I was in heaven as I finally got to wear jeans again (I’m over skirts – hate the things)! I was praising God the whole time!
But, I really do love it here. God is teaching me heaps and keeping me safe, and my heart is wide open.
Here are my prayer points for the next week.
Health and safety for Kyensie (especially with the risks in regards to water, mosquitos, hygiene and food).
Great connections with the people
Good sleep (we will be sleeping on mattresses in the church hall)
Ongoing cohesiveness with the team (we’ve been great thus far)
I’m doing devotions on Monday – pray for God to guide my words
As for communication, we expect it to be non-existent with the outside world. I am going to try my phone and see if I can get connected to Brad/Mum, but I doubt it.
Whilst we are there we are leading the service on Sunday, meeting the district leaders (Government), meeting with a school and a health care centre, running a kids club, and walking up a hill to see the view at one stage. Every night one of us is leading the devotions (as I said before).
On Thursday morning we will leave for Muhunga (some maps still refer to it at Gitarama). We will be staying in a hotel apparently during that visit, and it’s expected (from talking to the Salvo leaders here) that it will be quite modern, and actually nicer than the guesthouse we’ve been in, in Kigali.
We don’t know the plan for Muhunga yet – we probably won’t until we get there. We are there from Thursday til Monday – so we’ll be in the service Sunday morning (and Sunday school), but we don’t know anything else. We come back to Kigali on the Monday afternoon, so we will DEFINITELY be contactable again at that point, if it’s proved impossible in the other districts.
Well that’s all from me for now. I hope this finds you well, safe and happy. God bless you all, and I will be in contact again when I can.
*****
18 Jan 2008
Muraho from Muhunga!
Muraho! Umukuru? I'm great. Sorry if the spelling is wonky - this is a European keyboard and the keys are in all different spots! Very tricky for us touch typers!
Anyway (ahh we found a way to retrain the computer to read an English keyboard, even when you type on a European style keyboard - much quicker!), we are now in Muhunga, and it's about 8:45pm. We arrived here around 4pm this afternoon.
Our time in Kyenzi (Kinyarwandan spelling) was amazing. This little town right in the mountains, feeling like you're at the edge of civilisation - just... I can't even find the words. The captains at the Corps (Church) were so beautiful to us, I can't begin to tell you how much they served us. They have five children of their own, and are responsible for a very big district (from a Salvo perspective), yet they did SO much for us during our time with them above and beyond what was necessary.
We had bucket baths for 5 days (small bucket, two jugs of water - one hot, one cold, and 'top and tail' clean); a porcelain toilet that didn't flush (for number ones!); and a bunch of drop toilets exposed to all and sundry (a small half-building with no walls, dirt floor, and a hole in the middle) for your number twos. God was awesome and 'clogged' me the whole time, so I just dealt with the porcelain. Sorry if this is too much information - trust me when I say it has been the MAIN conversation topic for the past 5 days between the team, so nothing is sacred any more!
I should add that I didn't wash my hair for 5 days (none of the girls did), so all of a sudden the ability to hide as much of my hair as possible was quite the necessity!
There was no electricity, so we spent our nights playing cards as a group by the light of candles. Very intimate - but also loads of fun to just spend that time together.
As for 'work' - this wasn't as busy as last week. I'll do a quick run down.
Saturday night - arrived at about 4pm to children singing to us in welcome. Just amazed by all the muzungus running around. Dinner with the captains, devotions, and then bed.
Sunday - Sunday school with about 30 kids at 8:30am for an hour (bible story, game and songs). Church at 10 til about 12 noon (Sharon from our team lead the service). We were each made a gift to take home with us. Kids club in the afternoon with about 120 kids for an hour (games and songs).
Monday - Went to a school and a health care clinic. The health care clinic was AWESOME - nutrition, triage, HIV/AIDS and a maternity wing. The maternity wing is run by a Spanish Nurse Midwife who has been there for about 30 years. She is just awesome. I would love to have had more time here. They do an amazing work. This was the night we began having card games together, and it has been some of the funniest times we've had all trip.
Tuesday - Home League (Women's Bible Study) in the morning. Were able to experience some traditional dance, which was so great to watch. Also were able to purchase some crafts and handiworks to take home. In the afternoon we climbed this mountain - the girls IN SKIRTS. It was SO hard doing it, but so worth it when we got to the top - amazing views of one of the rivers that lead into the nile, heaps of mountains, and also got to spend time with villagers who live up there. Took lots of photos.
Wednesday - went to a nearby Corps (Church) outpost in Bitare. Another climb (not as strenuous) to an ancient burial ground behind the corps, which had these massive outcroppings of limestone rock. Again an awesome view. In the afternoon had an Officers Meeting (Ordained Ministers) meeting back in Kyenzi, which was another bible study-type event, but with q&a time with us about Australia.
Thursday - Visited the preschool on the Corps grounds in the morning, and then left for Muhunga in the afternoon.
I should also add that we were very blessed at the Corps - we were expecting to all sleep on the floor of the Church, but they had small rooms (girls were 2 to a room, boys all shared together in a room, Paul & Kirsten had their own room at the Corps Officers house) for us, inclusive of proper beds, bedding and privacy.
It became very difficult during this time to deal with the 'celebrity' status we had. Although the kids were awesome, it was very hard to always come out to stacks of kids at your doorstep at all hours of the day and night. It was sweet, and we were always gracious, but sometimes you just long for your own space, away from being prodded and laughed at (because you look so weird to everyone else), and people hanging off your windows desperate to see you at any opportunity.
The kids however are awesome. We got stacks of cuddles from the preschoolers on the Corps campus, and they always had a smile for us. Some of those memories will last me a lifetime.
We all shared our testimony during this time as well, and it really bonded us. Some of us shed lots of tears and were very 'tender' during this time, so it was great to be able to lean on one another to get through it.
So that was Kyenzi. Very special, very unique, loads of fun, but also very stretching for all of us.
And today we arrived in Muhunga, having NO idea what to expect. And can I just say that we are SOOOOO blessed.
We each have our own private room with ensuite; mosquito nets, heating, and flushable toilets and working showers! The hot water doesn't last for too long, but we aren't complaining. I was like a kid at Christmas being able to wash my hair again and soak in a hot shower. Not to mention having my own space again - that's indescribable right now! You really beging to treasure those little things in places like this.
Muhunga is a fairly large town - not quite as big as Kigali, but has all the mod cons like electricity, heating and internet, as well as supermarkets and petrol stations (none of which Kyenzi had). It's almost like reappearing on eath, in some ways.
Our schedule for the next few days goes like this.
Today (Thursday): Free time. Did washing, internet, had dinner, sleep.
Friday: Visitation time with Corps in morning, nothing in afternoon/night.
Saturday: Visitation time with Corps (around Muhunga) in morning, Kids Club in the afternoon. Nothing at night.
Sunday: Church in the morning. Nothing in afternoon/night.
Monday: Leave around 10am for Kigali. Day one of debrief.
There's no pressing needs prayer-wise for this time in Muhunga. I guess the one selfish thing is we would all like steady hot water and good sleeps, but that's not that urgent. On a 'work' side of things, please pray that we keep investing in those around us positively, always wait on God during this time, and that we still keep on building awesome relationships. We have thus far, and it's been amazing.
Some of you have asked the following, so I'll answer:
Are you doing any medical work? No, not really. We did get to visit a health clinic briefly, and we will see another during a Compassion Village (like World Vision) next Thursday; but I'm not 'working' per se - just observing. Pretty much all of our time has been mapped out by the Corps (Salvo Churches) we visit, so it involves a lot of 'meet and greets' with people attached to the Corps, or who are being impacted on by the Corps (children, women around the area, clinics/schools that have been set up, rehoming places, etc).
What has been the best thing I've done? This is such a hard question to answer. There has been so much. Things that stick out is some of the community 'walks' we've done - just going out into the village, shaking the villagers hands, saying hello to them and just seeing how they live has been such an amazing thing for me. The health clinic, even though our visit was short, sticks out as well.
What has been the hardest? Probably just waiting on God to tell me why I'm here. It was very clear that I had to come - but there's no long-term purpose that I can see right now. I feel this trip has set 'something' in motion, but I don't know what that 'something' is yet. I've been learning a lot of patience and just taking things 'day to day' (hard for someone who plans to the nth degree); and maybe that's the biggest thing I will take from this trip. I was really worried about this a few days into the trip - but now I just have faith God will show me what the 'big picture' is, when I am ready to know it.
Do I miss home? Yes and no. I have missed Brad, and there's loads I wish he could share with me, but I know this trip was for *me*, and for God to work in *me*. And it was probably a good time for Brad as well, back home, but in all honesty I don't really miss much about home, apart from Brad.
So there's my windup of the last 6 days. God bless you all, I hope you are well, and I will email again probably back in Kigali.
*****
23 Jan 2008
Muraho to all; apologies if there are spelling mistakes, again a french keyboard and some of the keys dont use the icons they say they do!
We have just said goodbye to 2 of our team as they begin their journey home. It is hard to believe that we are on the home stretch all ready; it feels like we only just started.
Muhunga was very different to what we expected. It is a new "outpost" (4 months old), yet it all ready has 50 regular attenders. There were quite a few more during the service we attended, probably due to us; but we hope and pray they continue to attend now, and that the Corps will flourish.
We came back to Kigali on Sunday afternoon instead of Monday morning, as it was easier for debrief to arrive earlier. Monday and Tuesday were mainly debriefing sessions (4 in total), as well as some shopping expeditions to purchase gifts and souvenirs, and seeing places of interest like Hotel Des Mille Collines (Hotel Rwanda), and the Belgian Memorial (for the 10 UN peacekeepers murdered whilst protecting the Prime Minister). There is a touch of sadness as we do all this "final" stuff, as we know our farewells from this amazing land are not far off. We could not have imagined how much we fell in love with the people and the country here. There is so much peace, joy and love as we have experienced the Rwandaise people and environment, and we have been humbled by their sacrifice and service towards us.
There is lots for me to process as I return home. There is a clear calling for me to return here; however in what way, when and in what context is still to be revealed. This will probably be my last email from Rwanda; so please pray for the following:
* Home in one piece. No lost luggage, no breakages, no sudden detours to places like New York or London!
* A clear direction as to Brad's and my next step. This is for both of us and not just me. For a revelation as to what Rwanda means for the two of us. For clarity in my thoughts as I discuss my journey with Brad and for what that means for the future.
* To stay healthy. I have thus far and it needs to continue.
* For God to show me how best to share my experience with others (Church; family; friends; work).
Today we will do the last bits of shopping and finalise flights and whatnot. Tomorrow we spend the day at a Compassion project. Friday morning Paul and Kirsten leave; and the rest leave at 5pm (1am Saturday Brisbane time). Flights are via Ethiopia, Bangkok, Hong Kong & Cairns before arrival in Brisbane around lunch time on Sunday. Brad and I will be uncontactable for the next few days, but I will be in contact on the Thursday, most probably. I will be at Church on the next Sunday and would love to catch up with the NBCers at that point. Lunch or coffee would be a great way to connect!
Anyway, time to go again. Big hugs to all and next time we speak I'll be back in Oz. WOW!
*****
And that was my time in Rwanda! Hope you enjoyed the read, I will be posting debrief notes soon, with photos of my time away.
Back from Rwanda - posting my journal
Muraho!
It has been a long time since I last wrote - and I'm going to start up again with my updates from my trip to Rwanda.
From 4-25 January 2008 I was part of a Salvation Army Mission Outreach to Rwanda. We went to 3 areas - Kigali (capital), Kyenzi (a mountainous rural area) and Muhunga (a small town, yet with facilities very similar to Kyenzi). Each area we were connected up with a Corps (a Salvation Army church) and built relationships with the people of Rwanda, not to mention run a conference for Salvation Army leaders of Children/Youth/Creative Ministries for the first week!
There were 9 of us in total from Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, Sydney and Melbourne, ranging in ages from early twenties to late forties.
Anyway, that's enough of a background - let's move on to the journal entries, as sent to relatives and friends.
It has been a long time since I last wrote - and I'm going to start up again with my updates from my trip to Rwanda.
From 4-25 January 2008 I was part of a Salvation Army Mission Outreach to Rwanda. We went to 3 areas - Kigali (capital), Kyenzi (a mountainous rural area) and Muhunga (a small town, yet with facilities very similar to Kyenzi). Each area we were connected up with a Corps (a Salvation Army church) and built relationships with the people of Rwanda, not to mention run a conference for Salvation Army leaders of Children/Youth/Creative Ministries for the first week!
There were 9 of us in total from Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, Sydney and Melbourne, ranging in ages from early twenties to late forties.
Anyway, that's enough of a background - let's move on to the journal entries, as sent to relatives and friends.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
The dichotomy of me
Today has been one of those 'inspired' days, that come very few and far between. I have a number of projects that I suddenly get inspired to do work on - and I go off and running with them.
Something I've come to know about myself with this, however, is that I often stop myself from completing the project long before I can even start it.
Why? Because I get conflicted with what I want to say, and how I think my friends and family will take it.
This is where I get vulnerable, and am more likely to abandon the project, then actually do anything with it.
Perfect example is the area of Women's Health and Sexuality.
Anyone who has had ANYTHING to do with the Christian Church, knows this is a sadly underdiscussed topic. For whatever reason, sex would be one of the VERY last things a Church would discuss, more often than not.
Now, with my career and interaction with young women (married and unmarried) - I see this as a great big gaping hole in Church, and somewhere where I believe I have the knowledge and enthusiasm to be able to do something about it.
Yet something always stops me. Fear. Fear that even though my friends love me and support me and encourage me - if I open up and lead a discussion/small group session on sex, noone will take anything from it, and that the topic will be embarrassingly left alone and relegated to the 'too hard' basket.
And I'm in that place again. I've been given the opportunity to speak to people about running a 'girls only' event where sexuality, sexual intimacy and sexual health can be talked about in a safe, secure, fun environment - yet I'm so 'arg' about it, I don't even know if I can get it off the ground.
I want to do it, I think it is desperately needed, yet I sit here frozen.
So if anyone out there reading my blog would like to give me some encouragement, advice, or real-life stories on how they did this AND SUCCEEDED - you have just become my new best friend.
I am 'lesson planning' this all through the next week, and will be discussing it with the small groups leader on Friday (who all ready sounds keen for it), so if you could keep me in the back of your head and offer encouragement and prayers, I'd really appreciate it.
This is really stepping out into something I've wanted to do for a long time, but is very new territory for the young women I socialise with. I will keep blogging with updates as to how this goes.
Something I've come to know about myself with this, however, is that I often stop myself from completing the project long before I can even start it.
Why? Because I get conflicted with what I want to say, and how I think my friends and family will take it.
This is where I get vulnerable, and am more likely to abandon the project, then actually do anything with it.
Perfect example is the area of Women's Health and Sexuality.
Anyone who has had ANYTHING to do with the Christian Church, knows this is a sadly underdiscussed topic. For whatever reason, sex would be one of the VERY last things a Church would discuss, more often than not.
Now, with my career and interaction with young women (married and unmarried) - I see this as a great big gaping hole in Church, and somewhere where I believe I have the knowledge and enthusiasm to be able to do something about it.
Yet something always stops me. Fear. Fear that even though my friends love me and support me and encourage me - if I open up and lead a discussion/small group session on sex, noone will take anything from it, and that the topic will be embarrassingly left alone and relegated to the 'too hard' basket.
And I'm in that place again. I've been given the opportunity to speak to people about running a 'girls only' event where sexuality, sexual intimacy and sexual health can be talked about in a safe, secure, fun environment - yet I'm so 'arg' about it, I don't even know if I can get it off the ground.
I want to do it, I think it is desperately needed, yet I sit here frozen.
So if anyone out there reading my blog would like to give me some encouragement, advice, or real-life stories on how they did this AND SUCCEEDED - you have just become my new best friend.
I am 'lesson planning' this all through the next week, and will be discussing it with the small groups leader on Friday (who all ready sounds keen for it), so if you could keep me in the back of your head and offer encouragement and prayers, I'd really appreciate it.
This is really stepping out into something I've wanted to do for a long time, but is very new territory for the young women I socialise with. I will keep blogging with updates as to how this goes.
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