Manifesto

Flat. Empty. Alone. Sad.

I'm in a bit of a funk today. Not quite sure why. Well, actually - that's not true. There's been a few things in the last week that have just left me feeling a bit dissatisfied with events going on, and wondering whether the effort I'm putting into things is really worth it in the long run.

Anyway, B and I are discussing our future a bit lately, and what we're going to keep in our lives, what we're going to get rid of, and what we're going to build on. These kinds of conversations are quite tough, as it can involve removing things that once meant a lot to us, but now are holding us back. And considering I am very aware of other people's opinions and attitudes, I know that a couple of these changes affect others, and could paint me in a bad light as a result.

I'm learning to not let that bother me so much. I used to be so laden down with wondering what others would think of me, that I often put off decisions that should have been made right then and there.

There's things that should have been discarded a long time ago. There are things I should have introduced to my life a lot earlier. There are parts of my life that are stagnating, and need to be built on further. Needless to say, with all this change, I feel a bit like a caterpillar undergoing her metamorphosis.

It's lead me to a project that, when completed, will probably give me a bit of a plan with regards to my future, the paths I take and the people I build relationship with.

Using various mediums, I am expanding on the following statements:

* Who I am

* Who I'm not

* Who I want to be


It may seem fairly simple and almost silly to put so much time into an activity like this. But there is a certain power in creating something visual that I have to walk past and be confronted with as I go about my daily tasks. Accountability. Brutal honesty with myself. A kick in the backside to make sure everything I do; everything I say; everything I fill my life with matches up with the 'manifesto' I've created for myself.

You'll probably see a bit of my project on here. Perhaps a picture, or a statement I've written down, or a task I'm completing that gets me further down the path I want to be on.

Some might call this Saturn's return. Others might call it a New Years Resolution. Me? I just call it being honest with myself, and ensuring every facet of my life reflects what I want most out of life.

Cut out the chaff; embrace the treasures; and move forward into something greater.