Back from Rwanda - posting my journal

Muraho!

It has been a long time since I last wrote - and I'm going to start up again with my updates from my trip to Rwanda.

From 4-25 January 2008 I was part of a Salvation Army Mission Outreach to Rwanda. We went to 3 areas - Kigali (capital), Kyenzi (a mountainous rural area) and Muhunga (a small town, yet with facilities very similar to Kyenzi). Each area we were connected up with a Corps (a Salvation Army church) and built relationships with the people of Rwanda, not to mention run a conference for Salvation Army leaders of Children/Youth/Creative Ministries for the first week!

There were 9 of us in total from Brisbane, Sunshine Coast, Sydney and Melbourne, ranging in ages from early twenties to late forties.

Anyway, that's enough of a background - let's move on to the journal entries, as sent to relatives and friends.

The dichotomy of me

Today has been one of those 'inspired' days, that come very few and far between. I have a number of projects that I suddenly get inspired to do work on - and I go off and running with them.

Something I've come to know about myself with this, however, is that I often stop myself from completing the project long before I can even start it.

Why? Because I get conflicted with what I want to say, and how I think my friends and family will take it.

This is where I get vulnerable, and am more likely to abandon the project, then actually do anything with it.

Perfect example is the area of Women's Health and Sexuality.

Anyone who has had ANYTHING to do with the Christian Church, knows this is a sadly underdiscussed topic. For whatever reason, sex would be one of the VERY last things a Church would discuss, more often than not.

Now, with my career and interaction with young women (married and unmarried) - I see this as a great big gaping hole in Church, and somewhere where I believe I have the knowledge and enthusiasm to be able to do something about it.

Yet something always stops me. Fear. Fear that even though my friends love me and support me and encourage me - if I open up and lead a discussion/small group session on sex, noone will take anything from it, and that the topic will be embarrassingly left alone and relegated to the 'too hard' basket.

And I'm in that place again. I've been given the opportunity to speak to people about running a 'girls only' event where sexuality, sexual intimacy and sexual health can be talked about in a safe, secure, fun environment - yet I'm so 'arg' about it, I don't even know if I can get it off the ground.

I want to do it, I think it is desperately needed, yet I sit here frozen.

So if anyone out there reading my blog would like to give me some encouragement, advice, or real-life stories on how they did this AND SUCCEEDED - you have just become my new best friend.

I am 'lesson planning' this all through the next week, and will be discussing it with the small groups leader on Friday (who all ready sounds keen for it), so if you could keep me in the back of your head and offer encouragement and prayers, I'd really appreciate it.

This is really stepping out into something I've wanted to do for a long time, but is very new territory for the young women I socialise with. I will keep blogging with updates as to how this goes.

Grieving

I had a friend die suddenly last week.

She was funny, beautiful, loyal and everyone gravitated to her. Her work ethic was superb, and although an amazingly strong Christian - she never once alienated people with it, or made out that she was 'better' than anyone else because of it. She was someone I admired, looked up to, and hoped to be like when I was in that stage of life (she was in her mid-40s).

I think it hit me so hard for a number of reasons. The main one was she got married early this year, to a man that supported her in everything, and completely adored her. To die so quickly after marriage - I couldn't help thinking how unfair that is, when everything just seems to be finally working out for someone.

I am thankful, however, that my last memories of her are beautiful ones. Sitting watching DVDs over night duty, laughing our heads off at the stupid things we see and say each day at work - often the most mundane, trivial, bizarre things, that only medical personnel would find funny.

Her funeral was amazing. To get know 'the other side' of a person, and really see how much of an impact she had on everyone (and not just those at work), really blessed me. To see a Church family gather around itself and mourn, yet celebrate a life in Heaven at the same time - it really impacted me. I think it shocked a few people at work (not many were aware of her deep ties to her Christian faith); but to see such joy at the time of such grief - it really made me remember what I'm ultimately here on earth for.

But, I'm grieving. I don't understand why this happens, and to be honest - I've been a bit mad at God about it.

The thing is though - I think He gets that. I think He wants me to be real about these emotions to Him. I think He loves me even despite my 'I don't understand you' debates with Him this week. I think it makes my faith more 'real', having that opportunity to really 'slug it out' with God every so often. Hey - Jacob, David and Job did it, so I think it's expected.

But, I'm grieving. Someone's gone from my life, and left a rather exposed hole right now.

God bless you Bron. I'll see you soon.

I've heeded the requests...

It's nice to know people read my blogs? You know how I know? They ask you to update it!

Bear with me, as I'm going to cover a few issues and events that have occurred since my last post.

Melbourne

Two days after my last post, we went to Melbourne for 4 days. Bliss! Melbourne is my FAVOURITE city in Australia, and I get dreadfully upset when we leave. Weird considering I've only visited 4 times in my life - but it just feels like 'home'.

So we ate a LOT of good food, drank some REALLY good wine (prizes to whoever can find Forrest Hill Estate's Pinot Gris in Brisbane!), and I reignited my love of foreign cheeses at Richmond Hill's Cafe & Larder.

And the highlight of the trip was Phantom of the Opera. It was the reason we went, and it didn't fail to disappoint. Anthony Warlow is THE master of voice - noone (bar Crawford) could ever compare.

So now I'm at home, and longing to return. Watch this space - we're looking at dates in January (after Rwanda), or March.



Rwanda

We had our first meeting for Rwanda on the weekend - and I'm very excited. Just really looking forward to going back to Africa, and serving in the place I've always longed to. The team are fantastic, and we're full of ideas on how best to serve Rwandans.

I'm in the process of learning Kinyanrwandan (the local language), and this has been very exciting. I've always had a bit of aptitude for languages, so it's nice to be spending time on it.

A bonus for me has been our flight plan. I was very worried about the 16 hour flight to Johannesburg (and then the flight to Kigali), but they've changed things entirely. Now we fly to Bangkok, and then on to Addis Ababa (Ethiopia), before Rwanda. So my longest flight will be 10 hours - much better!

Stopping in Addis Ababa will be interesting. Brad and I have a serious interest in adopting an Ethiopian child, so if time permits I would be very interested in exploring the city, and getting a 'feel' for the landscape, seeing we may very well go back in a few years time for our 'forever child'.



Church

Ahh, Church. I'm really battling at the moment. Next week it will be four weeks since we went (working and Unlimited conference hindered this), and to be honest - I feel more spiritually refreshed OUT of Church, than in. I'm feeling guilt over this, as it's not 'traditional' to feel this way. But something about personal worship and having to create 'God time' for myself (rather than have the time 'set' for me) has allowed me to flourish more than normal.

And it's not just my Church. I love my Church. It's just - why the construct that every Church (from Hillsong to your strictest Catholic/Liturgical service) uses? Why? I'm going to have to do a bit more reading on the historical development of Church, and what it was that inspired the majority of Christian Churches utilise the form they do.

Mind you - it's a bit scary doing this. Last time I shared this with someone, they were more inclined to believe I was being rebellious or having issues with authority, than an actual 'revelation' of Church evolution, from Acts to today.

*****

So that's my life lately. Sorry it took me a bit to sit down and write!

When you gather for worship, each one of you be prepared with something that will be useful for all: Sing a hymn, teach a lesson, tell a story, lead a prayer, provide an insight. If prayers are offered in tongues, two or three's the limit, and then only if someone is present who can interpret what you're saying. Otherwise, keep it between God and yourself. And no more than two or three speakers at a meeting, with the rest of you listening and taking it to heart. Take your turn, no one person taking over. Then each speaker gets a chance to say something special from God, and you all learn from each other. If you choose to speak, you're also responsible for how and when you speak. When we worship the right way, God doesn't stir us up into confusion; he brings us into harmony. This goes for all the churches—no exceptions.

The Message, 1 Corinthians 14:26-33.

Herein lies my quandry with the construct of 'Church' as it now stands. Why don't we do as the above verse states?

Why does Church require singing, then sermon, then ministry time, then finish?

Does our very tradition of 'Church' limit the way God can move and minister to those who follow Him (and want to follow Him)?

I don't know what's been going on lately, but I've been questioning the very essence of Church as I've known it for the 26 years I've attened (ie. my entire life). Sometimes I wonder if the way Church is 'done' actually allows God to move the way He wants to?

It's a struggle to go to Church somedays. I don't want it to be for MY blessing; but I do feel very stunted and restricted in the way Church is 'done' (and it's not just my Church - pretty much every Church I've ever gone to uses the same formula to create a Church service). My spirit soars when we look outside the traditional form of church (worship, sermon, ministry), and look into valuable dialogue as a group of peers, rather than a minister/ministry team/flock system.

I don't know if I make any sense with this. I don't even know really where I'm going with it. All I know is that there's a lot of questions in my head right now about what 'Church' really means, and if God gets limited by the way we 'make' Church.

Home Church appeals. I don't know how that fits in with my commitment to my home Church (one I've had to make as part of a missions team), but I'm enjoying studying the concept of Home/Organic Church, and how that links up with the Church of Acts.

I'll keep you posted as to how my thoughts and feelings evolve. I just feel very disatisfied right now.

Cows held responsible for late night chaos & disorder

Why is it morning???

Yesterday was a very LONG day. Ended up scrubbed in for 4 hours on one case, and really knocked me around a bit (very frantic). Only to unscrub, and agree to being oncall again last night (I was oncall on Saturday night - no call in).

Now, I knew I was going to be called in, and here's why.

a) I NEVER get called in, whenever I'm on-call.

Fluke, luck, blessed - doesn't matter what you call it. Been on-call once a month every month since January, and always had a full night's reprieve (which is good, except then you wake up feeling very grumpy that you COULD have gone out/had that glass of wine/watched that late movie/etc etc).

This pretty much shows I should have a giant target on my chest saying 'due for call in'.


b) The woman who called in sick, seems to attract patients.

As soon as I heard who I was covering for - I knew it. I even told Brad. That's it, I'm getting called in. She's just a magnet for it. And I knew if I was 'playing' her, the magnet would follow me.


And the REAL reason I got called in???

c) I didn't see any cows.

Now, to your garden variety theatre nurse working in a city of 1 million people (or whatever) - this seems like a hallucination. Cows? What cows???

But, you have to understand - it's the Ekka. Which means cows. LOTS of cows. Thousands of them (ok, slight overstatement, but you get the point). Cows walking around, calving, getting judged, eating, mooing - just being cows.

I.
LOVE.
COWS.

Biggest crackup of my life is seeing cows on highways and roads. Ask Brad. We go for a drive - the ultimate goal is to see a free range cow.

And the Ekka means cows. Cows on the side of the road diagonal from the hospital I work at every single day. BLISS!

But there were no cows on the way to and from work. And DID I LOOK? You betcha!! No cows. Udder tradegy (ha!).

So there it was - I knew I'd be called in. And called in I was.




10:50pm, phone rings. Sasch, knowing ahead of time the lack of cows GUARANTEED a call-in, went to bed at 8pm. So she was ready!

11:25-2am was her time in theatre. Recovery room nurse.

(I should add, to further the reasoning, there still were no cows as she went down the road. This DEFINITELY meant chaos and disorder)

And chaos and disorder there was.

So now, she has a 12 hour break. Which means 3 hours at work.

(A side note - there were still no cows as she drove home this morning).

Sasch is NOT happy.

Night shift over for another month

Well this month's night duty's over. Birth Suite was overrun both nights, so kept us up and on our toes through the nights. A few other 'interesting' cases floating around too (in other parts of the hospital), so we had to be prepared in case we had to leave the floor to tend to them.

Other than that - been a really quiet week! Poor hubby's been rolling out a project, so he worked overtime almost every night last week, and then Saturday. He was supposed to have today off with me, but now has a facilitated meeting instead. They've given him 3 days off next week instead (including public holiday). Which means he now has 11 days off in total for our 'break' to Melbourne. Some people get all the luck!

But what have we done? Hmmm...

My stepsister was up for a week before heading on her year's holiday travelling overseas (NZ, North America, South America, UK, Africa & Europe). Had a family dinner for that (mum your dinner was SUPERB!)

And after reading my diary, it looks like the rest of my week was spent either working, or asleep! Fun times! :)

We went out to Lone Star last night, which was lovely. Hadn't been since about February. We have a soft spot for the Young Care Cocktail (non-alcoholic). BRIGHT pink (tastes like a redskin), but it's for a good cause!

Oh yeah, and been doing a bit more work on research for Zimbabwe, and also a bit for Rwanda. The Rwanda team is all finalised now (with 9 members), so it means we can REALLY go (we can't go until there are workable numbers on things like this).

As to Zimbabwe, I'm part of the 'focus group' for our work alongside Vana Ministries, so we're working on things like mission statement/aims/core values and whatnot. My part is working on an intecessory team, as well as 'focus nights' (dinners, cultural awareness), so that will undoubtedly keep me busy.

And I had a meeting with our minister the other day, and it looks like I might be running a term 'girls only' group next year about Women's Health & Sexuality. It's something I've wanted to do for a long long time, so it was a blessing our minister was so receptive to it. Churches unfortunately have a very long history of 'taboos' when it came to sexuality, so to have someone welcome it with open arms (and have NO problem with the topics I'd discuss - which was huge!), made me appreciate our Church even more.

It's still in the early stages, and I still need to work out a lesson plan - but it's something at least!